


Fly Away From Here

by watermealong



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Adoption, Aged-Up Character(s), Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Family Fluff, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Sickness, M/M, Marriage, Mature Theme, Romance, Slow Build, implicit sexual content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-01-10 23:27:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 21,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18418088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watermealong/pseuds/watermealong
Summary: Jaemin and Jeno are excited to start their marriage life, sewing a lifetime worth of both happiness and heartache in each other's arms.They got more than what they bargained for when they decided to adopt a little angel that showed them how life was not only full of black and white, but also an endless screaming colors.





	1. The Monsters Turned Out to Be Just Trees

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of Taylor Swift's Ronan, Out of The Woods and Never Grow Up~
> 
> Thank you to Josh for being the first reader, i love you ♡
> 
> This chapter will focused on their relationship as Jaemin and Jeno before the baby, will contained two implicit sexual contents so you can skip that if you are uncomfortable, promised it won't get you strayed off the story. This chapter is...a little happy place.
> 
> It's beta-ed by miss Siri! I love you tons, thank you for not making this worser than it already had <3

Na Jaemin met his husband in college. Their first encounter wasn’t anything special, he studied marine biology and worked part-time as a barista when Lee Jeno came knocking on his heaven’s door with an order of 3 shots of espresso in the morning, no water --an epitome of everything that Jaemin wasn’t.

 

Their first words to each other started with only a _hello_ and ended with a _good bye_. But the smile stayed, always stayed until they met by mutual friends two weeks later at a party.

 

The summer warmth was crawling on Jaemin’s skin when Jeno took him out to watch the night sky instead of dancing with loud music inside, or playing a losing beer pong that would get him wasted.

 

The stars were aligned in an endless dark blue sky, it looked like a painting and Jaemin wished upon a star in his heart, closing his eyes while Jeno sneaked a glance at him.

 

He forgot what he wished for that day, but he did remember what happened in a vivid fond of memories, something fleeting and serene.

 

“Will you go out on a dinner with me?”

 

Jeno had asked, reds up his cheeks and a small shy smile tugging at his lips like strawberry on summer days.

 

Jaemin chuckled at what felt so free, realising all the stress from seminars, quizzes, coffees and customers that he had to juggle along with little time to rest.

 

“Sure,” Jaemin accepted, eyes glimmering with mischief, moving closer to the warm body beside him. “But only after you study with me.”

 

The stairs where they sat were damp and sticky, but Jaemin didn’t complain when he looked up and saw the brizen night sky staring at him and the warmth Jeno emitted felt so good when their arms did as much as touching.

 

They went on a study date together where Jaemin should just name it as an attempt to not get distracted when their fingers slightly brushed against each other’s. Or the series of his lame flirting that got Jeno to blush so hard until the other was practically begging him to cut it out.

 

“What’s in it for me?” Jaemin asked cheekily.

 

Jeno rolled his eyes. “You’ll get a medallion for being a decent human being," he punched weakly at the younger's chest. "Seriously, how are you able to have new pickup lines every two minutes?"

 

Jaemin chuckled lightly, one hand holding his pen and the other tapping on his chin. "It's my gift," he easily said. “Hmm, if you want my miracle to stop, how about that dinner you asked me two weeks ago?”

 

Jeno diverted his eyes from him in order to look down on his textbooks. And even when he acted like he hated the teasing, Jaemin caught him smiling to himself.

 

“Okay,” he muttered. “I’ll pick you up at your dorm so we can go together?”

 

“Where are we going?”

 

Jeno snatched his pen when he saw Jaemin twisting it on his fingers, a quirky smile that begged to be kissed tugging at his lips. “The moon.”

 

Jaemin had laughed out loud that the girl in front of their table sushed them. Jeno handed him his pen back and promised a great night by the weekend.

 

The moon turned out to be a large empty space up on a rooftop at one of the buildings in busy Seoul. And as Jaemin followed Jeno to a reserved table where they were the only one who owned the place, the older showed him a very romantic setting like a scene from the movie.

 

The summer breeze was blowing on their faces, candle light almost going out on top of the table and red roses decorating the table. The moon hung in the night sky was their only natural lamp for the night as Jeno pulled a chair to let Jaemin sit, giving him the most gentle smile.

 

“This is so unfair for you to use this much effort,” Jaemin muttered, amazed when he looked around and found a guitar laying by the plantation and a cozy tent filled with blankets. Even the foods looked amazing.

 

Jeno shrugged. “My family owns this property, my mom generously prepared the food and my cousin helped decorate it a little bit. We always hang out here from time to time,” he smiled when he let himself sank in the chair in front of Jaemin. “Do you like it?”

 

Jaemin let out a chuckle, reaching a hand out to rest it on top of Jeno’s. Touching him almost felt natural now, like they had known each other for a long time already.

 

“I love it,” he breathes out, smiling as Jeno taunts their fingers together instead.

 

Jeno nodded and a proud smile rose in his face.

 

“Now, eat up. I know you are starving.”

 

They ate, talked, ate again but mostly talked. Laughing was a necessity and Jaemin’s stomach hurt by the time he took the last spoon of his dinner.

 

“I love your mom now,” Jaemin commented. “Did she really prepare all of this? I need to thank her, Jeno.”

 

Jeno's lips turned into a pout once he had finished his own food, plate empty and stomach filled with good laughter. “Just my mom?”

 

Jaemin grinned sheepishly, resting his chin on his palm. “Yes, I think I need to marry her as soon as possible,” he teased. Jeno looked like he was offended, but if that little pout of his was the one he could pull off to let Jaemin feel bad, who was he to deny him?

 

The quiet seeped into the air, and for a while that seemed too bizarre, Jaemin and Jeno just sat there on their respective chairs, sneaking glances at each other and sometimes watching the scenery around them.

 

Jaemin only came with his persian blue shirt and denim jeans, paired with the same exact brown shade of belt that matched his horse-bit loafers --per an internet suggestion on five fashions to enchant your date at the first dinner. He rolled the sleeves up to his elbow, showcasing his toned arms and a watch on his wrist.

 

Jeno was dressed in his comfortable yellow hoodie with three kittens on it, ripped jeans and fluffy brown hair. Jaemin lifted his brows the first time he saw him, contemplating on going back to his dorm room to change clothes. But Jeno said he looked handsome, so he’ll take the compliment.

 

“Hey, play this for me,” Jaemin asked, nudging at the guitar.

 

They settled at the mouth of the tent this time. Jeno said it was only there because his cousin couldn’t stop being nosy, even for the extra blankets and fluffy pillows. Jaemin folded both his legs in anticipation while Jeno reached for the instrument, sitting beside Jaemin.

 

“What song?”

 

“I don’t know, something sad?”

 

Jeno raised a brow to that. “Why?”

 

Jaemin’s gaze softened as he looked back at Jeno’s worry expression. “Because i’m happy right now,” he explained. “I feel like I shouldn’t be too happy sometimes, you know? There will always be something to snatch that away from me and I don’t want to be disappointed.”

 

As Jeno put his guitar down, he inched closer to make their distance disappear. “You are afraid,” he speculated, and Jaemin let out a sigh as if confirming it. “Say, what made you happy today, then?”

 

Jaemin locked his eyes with him, biting down on his lips with cheeks heated up in embarrassment when he felt Jeno’s intense stare served only for him. “Play your guitar first, then i’ll tell you.”

 

Jeno kept a smile to himself, grabbing his guitar to rest it on his lap. He strummed it for a while before finally playing it. Raw melodies filled the air as Jaemin melted right with them.

 

And then he started to sing.

 

_The breaths that I will take today_

_The places that I will rest in today_

_I’m living like this_

_The dreams that I dreamed last night_

_That I left on the bottom of my bed_

_Covers my exhausted heart_

_As I close my eyes, it’s alright_

_In a shape that’s a bit different from others_

_I fall asleep alone_

_When morning comes again and I open my eyes_

_I want to smile_

 

Jaemin knew this song. It was a song he always listened to whenever he felt tired or missing home. A popular  song that stayed in the music chart for weeks. Jaemin had been listening to it whenever he felt alone and lost, where he didn't feel like going on in life.

 

Jeno sang a few flat notes, making Jaemin laugh whenever he tried to cover them with an awkward smile

 

_On a night like tonight_

_If I can stay in this dream_

_If I can hope for things I can’t_

_If I can not be afraid; just like you_

_On a day like today_

_When the old tears that I thought dried up, flow again_

_My small heart that hasn’t fallen asleep_

_Breathes_

 

Jaemin felt his heart ache that he wanted to be invisible from anyone’s eyes. But Jeno kept his eyes on him, like he was talking to Jaemin through his singing. As if he told him that everything will be okay.

 

When Jeno stopped playing his guitar, they looked at each other with heavy stares, and it was Jaemin who leaned in first this time, supporting a hand on the surface of the tent while the other reached for Jeno’s cheek.

 

“You make me happy,” he murmured quietly against Jeno’s lips. “Thank you.” That was the last thing he said before he stole whatever words were ready to be uttered in the other’s mouth.

 

Jeno slipped a hand on his hips, getting rid of his guitar in order to pull Jaemin even closer, deepening their kiss. His hands felt warm as they traveled to his neck, holding him in place with burning fingers.

 

Jeno’s lips felt tender and soft that Jaemin wanted to do this forever, they quietly moved at the same pace, not rushing saved for the blood in their streams. Jaemin’s heart crumbled when Jeno whispered his name desperately as if he would leave him. Jaemin leaned in even closer, hand on the older's cheek while he erased what was left of the distance between them to pushed the other until they both fell back on the mattress, lips always chasing and never parted.

 

Jeno tugged at his collar shirt when Jaemin settled himself on top of him, slipping a leg in between his and letting out a loud moan when Jeno lifted his shirt up, feeling the skin underneath it.

 

Jaemin gasped, looking down at his body and untucked shirt with a playful smirk on his lips. “How come i ended up being the first with my buttons undone?”

 

Jeno shut him up with a kiss. “Shut up,” he mumbled, and Jaemin obliged, their lips meeting again in a rough, aggressive kiss.

 

Jaemin marveled his tongue down his mouth, while Jeno touched him in places he would shied away if he was with someone else, but the older made it so easy, so loving and beautiful that Jaemin was left gasping for more, impatiently getting rid of Jeno's hoodie.

 

The rest of the night was left in history as tender as the first touch that reached their hearts, as fiery as half empty promises left on naked skin.

  
Their love, started that day.

 

 

 

:::

 

 

 

The hospital had always remained inside Jaemin’s mind as a place to part.

 

He remembered himself when he was four, crying in one of the chairs inside the waiting room where his mom told him to wait with his uncle. Not fifteen minutes later, _eomma_ came back crying that it made Jaemin stopped his tears. His uncle lifted him off the chair and brought them inside another room where Jaemin saw his father's lifeless body on the hospital bed. They said he went to heaven, said that Jaemin won’t be seeing him around anymore and that he still can remember him forever if only with his heart and little memories. Even when time moves on and his father does not.

 

Jaemin didn't understand it at that time, his little mind couldn't grasp what was he supposed to do with grief and death. So he woke up everyday to welcomed his father's lovely smile whenever he returned from work; that, as much as he can fathom, never saw again. 

 

Now, as his own wobbly legs entered the stuffy corridor and the heavy bleach undertone smell with flowers in his hand, walking inside was like backtracking his own life, of all the memories he had to let go. He was grateful that he never went out of love, that even when he only had his mother growing up, the strong woman could still give him everything he needed as a son.

 

Jaemin saw his boyfriend outside the room, talking with Mark and Renjun beside him. When they spotted him, Jaemin walked even faster and into Jeno’s arms.

 

“Am I late?” Jaemin asked, receiving a kiss on top of his head from Jeno who tiptoed on his shoes. “My class ended a little late.”

 

Mark was the one who answered him. Both him and Renjun were standing close to each other that Jaemin lifted a brow at them. They got closer, it seemed. “You’re not, don't worry," he said. “Even my brother just arrived.”

 

Jaemin chuckled. “Minki-hyung? Is Soomin-noona alright? How is the baby?” Jaemin asked curiously.

 

It was Jeno who sneaked a hand around Jaemin's hips who answered him. “Alright. Though the baby is still in the incubator now and the grandmothers are inside to give useless support,” he said cheekily. “Renjun came straight from his class as soon as Mark-hyung told him. I bet he cut classes. Talked about being whipped.”

 

Renjun glared at him. “Like you are one to talk, Lee Jeno,” the smaller boy spat and looked over at Jaemin’s flowers. Renjun and Jeno had been friends for a long time before he met Jaemin. They were best friends from high school who sadly separated when they got into two different universities. Right now, from what Jeno had told him, Renjun seemed to have grown closer to Mark. “Are those carnations? I was looking everywhere for them but only found the daffodils.”

 

Jaemin chuckled. “Got lucky in Insa-dong,” he informed, pulling one of a very out of place flower and the one who stick out the most with bloody red colour amongst the yellow of carnations, he got it especially for his boyfriend. Red rose. Jeno smiled and looked shy, his eyes disappearing into the crinkling ones Jaemin fell in love with. “Always worth the smile.”

 

It had been a year since they dated, Jaemin couldn’t even remember the suffocating feeling and pressure from school and his part time jobs, but Jeno was a constant support he needed. Always so beautiful and amazing.

 

Both Renjun and Mark cooed at them while Jaemin muttered quietly that they should step up their game too, which got the two to stupidly grinned like teenagers. Since Mark was the oldest and graduated a few months ago, Jaemin only got to see him less and less. Although now he began to work and obviously had an interest in dating Renjun, Jeno didn’t seem to mind that both his cousin and best friend were trying to get together.

 

“Jeno was so excited to see the baby, just know that i’ll be the one to hold him first, okay? I’m his uncle.” Mark stated proudly. They walked to the isolated area to pick up Minki-hyung and maybe see the baby if they are allowed to. Mark and Jeno bantered about who would hold the baby first, while Renjun occasionally shut down their childish acts.

 

Jaemin held Jeno’s hand when it was their turn to see the baby with Minki-hyung beside them. The little precious was so small, his hands were curled up into a ball and was sleeping soundly. Jaemin took his eyes off to observe Jeno’s face instead. He looked excited and happy.

 

“He is so cute,” Jeno mumbled, probably involuntary. “He looks like a kitten.”

 

Jaemin chuckled. Teasingly, he gave Jeno’s hand a light squeeze. “You want one?”

 

Jaemin thought he would be left unanswered looking at how focused Jeno looked right now. But he surprisingly returned Jaemin’s stare, his smile was prominent in his face as he shifted them again to the sleeping baby.

 

“Maybe. Someday.”

 

Someday, Jaemin thought, in which he smiled back at his boyfriend.

 

That’s a long way to go.

 

 

 

:::

 

 

 

Jaemin hated that Jeno could still made his world crumble by simply calling his name out loud.

 

They have broken up for two months now and Jeno could always cloud all his sense of judgement.

 

So when the older pushed him against the wall just mere seconds after they went inside Jaemin’s room, trying to kiss him by trailing soft kisses behind his ear, Jaemin shoved him away.

 

“Jeno, stop,” Jaemin pleaded helplessly, but the other still nosed at his skin, making him feel so hard to breathe. “We can’t keep doing this, please Jeno.”

 

“I--” Jeno rested his head on Jaemin’s shoulder defeatedly, his hands circled around Jaemin's hips to join their bodies together. “Can we end this, Jaemin-ah? Please, you don't know how hard i tried to let go of you. But i can't. Baby,  i can't. I miss you too much.”

 

Jaemin's fingers lifted his jaw softly so they could stare at each other. “I miss you too,” he admitted, sighing. “But I need time, you need a rest from me and we need some space between us,” he explained, eyes still locked with Jeno. “Please. Let me work on myself first, alright? I don’t want to keep on torturing you with the way I acted, the way I treated you. It’s wrong and I hate it.”

 

Within two years of their relationship, Jaemin and Jeno reached their graduation, smiling in every photograph taken with family and friends.

 

Two months later, Jaemin started his job at one of Seoul’s environmental consultant while Jeno secured his position at a multinational company from the place he interned before. Their time together decreased, and so was their trust in each other. Mainly for Jaemin who had trust issues from the beginning.

 

Jeno was too kind, or he was way too in love to actually realize the way Jaemin always confronted him about something he wasn’t responsible for, was wrong. Until one day, Jaemin saw it. The tired, worn out expression after yet another big fight of them painted Jeno’s face. Then, Jaemin knew.  


 

He was too uptight. Too entitled to himself and intrusive that he wanted Jeno all to himself without ever giving him any chance to breathe. It was wrong to share all the anxiety with him, hurting him while at the same time making himself miserable. Their relationship wasn’t healthy and they really needed the space to be without each other, getting the grasp back on their own skin, both him and Jeno. It wasn’t their responsibility to make each other a better person.

 

So they decided to take a break. Jaemin moved out of their apartment to live in a place closer to his job. Hanging out more often with his friends, and going into therapy for the constant headaches and insomnia he had for far too long.

 

Jeno had been there with him, but only as a friend, picking him up from work or at home so he could accompany him to therapy or when he felt lonely. His heart shattered whenever he could feel how the older had always held himself back. But he can’t be with him in this condition, he can’t let Jeno got hurt for something that wasn’t his responsibility.

 

“How long?” Jeno slowly lifted his hands off Jaemin’s hips, making him missing his warmth. “Will you promise me that you’ll get back to me?”

 

Jaemin bumped their foreheads together in a silent compromise. “Just a little bit more, I promise. Let me be responsible for my own shit, i don't wanna hurt you anymore.”

 

Jaemin loved him. Jeno was the best thing that ever happened in Jaemin’s life. He was a better part of him, a puzzle piece that completed him and his heart. He hoped Jeno could understand that part, that even with this separation, nothing could replace him from Jaemin's heart. Some people are just bound to leave a permanent mark in your life, and Jeno was his sole winner with the most strikes. Always.

 

"You never hurt me," he whispered quietly, but quickly nodding his head, detaching himself from jaemin in order to fish out his phone. “I’ll order something for you and leave, okay?”

 

They walked to the living room with Jaemin who tiredly lumped himself on the couch. “This soon? I thought we’ll have dinner together.”

 

Jeno shook his head, getting rid of Jaemin’s shoes and socks, peeling them off and putting them on the floor. “I want to, but I have a meeting with someone in an hour.”

 

Jaemin hummed in response. “On a Sunday?”

 

Jeno walked closer to him and bent down to pinch his nose. “First step: don’t guilt trip someone, you know that,” he explained, and Jaemin chuckled at the realisation. “It’s just my senior back in uni.” He clarified, and then his face turned into a scowl. “Besides, if i want to be curious, what’s up with that kid?”

 

Jaemin gave him an innocent look, squinting while Jeno rolled his eyes at him. “Kid…?” He trailed off, and then brightened his face up again. “Oh, you mean Chenle?” Jeno put a few numbers down his cellphone, but his eyes still trained on Jaemin. The younger shrugged. “I turned him down already.”

 

Jeno pulled the phone to his ear as he shot Jaemin a glare. “You kissed him.”

 

“He kissed  _me_ ,” Jaemin corrected. “He was drunk and I indulged him, that’s all. Where the hell did you even hear that?”

 

Jeno stepped closer to him, still standing while his fingers trailed down on Jaemin’s lips as if he was erasing whatever mark that wasn’t his before. “He still _kissed_ you,” he looked a little mad, his eyes were cold and his lips set into a straight line. Jeno could be intimidating in certain situations although he almost always had those big puppy auras around him, especially now when he was obviously jealous.

 

Jaemin huffed out a breath, feeling hot all of a sudden. “If it would make you feel better, i didn’t feel anything. Not even a single spark.”

 

Jeno grazed his fingers for the last time before he pulled away completely. “You better keep your promise to me, Na Jaemin,” he said in a low voice, making Jaemin shudder. “I’m never gonna leave you with someone who isn’t me.”

 

With that, he turned his back when the restaurant finally picked up his call, ordering all of Jaemin’s favorites.

 

Jaemin sank his back further on the couch. He huffed out another tired breath, resting an arm to cover his eyes.

 

He better figure everything out quickly.

 

Because once Jeno was out of his door, gone was what Jaemin's dreams were made, gone was all the warmth he needed. Jaemin hugged himself to sleep and slumber. He misses Jeno too much too.

 

 

 

:::

 

 

 

“Baby, you’re here?”

 

Jaemin cuddled the body in front of him, leaving absolutely no space between them. He kissed the back of Jeno’s neck, rubbing soft circles around his stomach and feeling slightly calmer now. “Hi, sorry I woke you up. But you just looked so warm.”

 

Jeno let out a hearty chuckle, bringing the hand on his hips to kiss it. “How’s work today?”

 

“Tiring. I need to organize those reports for DEFRA next week, have I told you that? The intern messed up his samples so I had to stay up late to make up for that too.”

 

Jeno turned around, making Jaemin let go of his hold. “Poor baby, come on, let me make you feel better.” He urged Jaemin to turn around, voice hoarse from the recent sleep he got, and Jaemin obliged.

 

“But I don’t want to be the little spoon!” He squeaked out, though once he settled with Jeno on his back, everything in the world sort of disappeared.

 

“Shut up. I know you loved it.”

 

Jaemin giggled. “Wrong. I was loving you and everything you did to me,” he breathes out, turning his head around to capture Jeno’s lips. The other parted his mouth obediently and Jaemin held his jaw in place, sucking on his bottom lip before he let go by dropping a kiss on the corner of his mouth. “I’m so tired today, Jeno.”

 

Jeno hugged him, pressing down to left kisses on his neck as Jaemin relaxed within his touch. “You want me to loosen you up a little, kitten?” His breath ghosted over Jaemin’s sensitive skin, sucking at all the right places.

 

“Please,” Jaemin moaned, his chest felt cramped and all the burden on his shoulder was still there until Jeno nipped at his neck, hand moving down to palm his crotch, and softly grinding down his ass. “You don’t have to do this, you know.”

 

“You don’t want me to do _this_?”

 

 _No, i want more_ , Jaemin thought as Jeno stroked him faster until he screamed his name, forgetting whatever was left on his mind until he came from the high.

 

Loving the feeling of the soft kisses that Jeno is leaving on his neck and with his heartbeat loud on his chest, Jaemin couldn't open his eyes anymore. He turned his head around, kissing Jeno in post favor of bliss.

 

“Let me return it?” Jaemin offered.

 

Jeno shook his head. “Let’s just sleep.” He suggested instead, despite the bulge pressed on Jaemin’s ass.

 

Jaemin took a deep breath, smiling a little. He brought Jeno’s hand to circle around his neck, leaving little kisses all over his palm and fingers.

 

He had such beautiful hands, a little boney but soft and tender, just like Jeno himself. Jaemin loved kissing them whenever they made love, thrusting into him while everything faded out around them. He felt uncomfortable like this, but was too lazy to move away from Jeno’s warm embrace.

 

“How long have we been together, Jeno?”

 

Jeno kissed the back of his head lovingly. “About five, six years? If you don’t count those months we took a break after graduation or when you took your masters,” he answered. “Why?”

 

Six years was an awfully long time for a couple. Just to imagine they last this long, without even tears or regret ghosting from the past, with two major break up that almost teared them apart, already says a lot about them.

 

Suddenly, Jaemin thought about how he loved Jeno so much, how his heart could always beat for him even when they were apart. They will turn 25 in a couple of months, Jeno in April and Jaemin in August. They watched each other grow, from the 19 year olds who were barely a man, to these somehow tolerating adults.

 

They already had secured jobs, stable incomes and both Jaemin and Jeno definitely didn’t want to take whatever breaks that could separated them anymore, enough separation to test their relationship. Finally, after years, he felt confident being in a relationship. Jeno treated him the best. Maybe because he was too kind, maybe because he loved Jaemin a lot, but definitely because he was a gentle, loving man who understood what partnership meant, he was always more thoughtful and understanding, and Jaemin loved and was grateful to him for that.

 

“Jeno,” he whispered, calling into the void with steady breathing of his lover behind him. “Don’t you want to have a family with me?”

 

Jaemin was surprised once he uttered those words. He didn’t even think before he said that, like they were always there at the tip of his tongue.

 

Did he really meant that? Ask Jeno for a....marriage?

 

Yes.

 

Did he want to spend the rest of his life like this with him, going home to a warm embrace, opening his eyes to Jeno’s beautiful face, for the rest of his unknown life to last?

 

Absolutely yes.

 

When he didn’t get any answer but the sound of the other snoring, Jaemin chuckled. This must be a tiring day for Jeno too. So he tucked the blanket over them, turning around to place a chaste kiss on Jeno’s temple and tried to close his eyes and sleep.

 

He’ll ask Mark to help him for a proper proposal next time.

 

 

 

:::

 

 

 

“Fuuuuck,” Jaemin muttered under his breath, fidgeting all over the place like a scared kitten. “I’m gonna die like this.”

 

Lee Donghyuck --Jaemin's long time best friend-- placed a hand on top of his shoulder. “Don’t die yet, you haven’t told him.”

 

Jaemin let go of the breath he was holding. “What’s the point if i’m not gonna be alive in a minute?”

 

Like a flash, someone is gripping hard on his shoulders, replacing Donghyuck’s palm, and almost startling Bongshik in his arms. Jaemin had his eyes wide open when Jeongyoon-noona --Jeno's older sister-- stared at him with fire in her eyes.

 

“Listen, you've got a kitten in your arms, an expensive diamond ring, and a promise of forever. Jeno can’t be humanely possible to reject that.”

 

“But he’s allergic to cats!” Jaemin shouted with much exaggeration. “What if I kill him, and then he’ll hate me for it!”

 

Jeongyoon placed a palm on Jaemin’s cheek, almost too hard that he felt like being slapped with it. “He won’t die, what are you saying,” she mumbled, and turned around to face Donghyuck. “Is he always this dramatic?”

 

Donghyuck shrugged. “If you defined always as once a day.”

 

Jaemin shot his best friend a glare, he was glad that the latter was the one who introduced him to Jeno properly or he might just strangle him right now. Or not. Jaemin didn’t know. He was too nervous.

 

“You got this, man,” Donghyuck encouraged. “I don’t know what’s going on in your head right now but i’m sure, he would be as ecstatic as you are. He loves you, so don’t worry.”

 

Jaemin took a deep breath one more time, closing his eyes when Bongshik purred in his arms. He rubbed a hand across her fur.

 

“Besides, who’ll say no to this?” Jeongyoon glanced across the rooftop. Now in a romantic setting with the wind blowing slowly on their faces. There were Jaemin, Donghyuck, Jeongyoon along with Jaemin’s mom and Jeno’s parents, who were chatting at the long table with feasts in front of them. There were also Jaemin’s friends and Jeno’s co-workers. Added to them was an emergency band consisted of Renjun and Donghyuck in vocals, Doyoung in guitar, Jaehyun in keyboard, and Chenle behind a set of mini drums, Jaemin had asked them to perform _when_ and _if_  Jeno said yes.

 

Jaemin had turned the first rooftop they had a date in years ago into a little magical place. There were lights ornaments on the mini trees, even on the keyboard Jaemin brought this morning. The place exudes cozy all over, and even when there were no more tents like their first date, Jaemin was confident this was the place Jeno would love.

 

It was the least he could do for Jeno. He deserved to be treated like a rare diamond, surrounded by his friends and family for being a great person that stuck with him through thick and thin. And Jaemin wanted to make him feel special and loved.

 

“He deserves everything and more, _gosh_ , I don’t want to ruin it,” Jaemin muttered, messaging the bone on his nose. He  never thought that asking Jeno would be more nerve wracking than asking their parents for blessings. But here he was, sputtering over the same speeches he recited over a hundred times.

 

“You’ll be fine. If Mark can ask Renjun to marry him last year, then you will nail this even more than him. Come on, he’ll be here any second." Jeongyoon assured him. She had always been supportive, Jeno’s oldest noona that will send them kimchi from time to time. She held his hand firmly, and Jaemin grasped hers while his other hand was busy holding Bongshik so she won’t fall off.

 

Jaemin nodded his head.

 

“Mark just texted me that they are already downstairs. I gotta tell everybody to be prepared. You got this.”

 

Donghyuck punched weakly on his arm out of encouragement, and then he gave Jaemin a gentle peck on his cheek to make him smile. The role would probably be reversed if he really wanted to ask Wong Yukhei next year, and Jaemin was certain he'd be there along the way. Maybe with Jeno, who wouldn’t only be his boyfriend anymore. But _still_ , who knows?

 

Jaemin was usually calm. Even with Jeno, although he always acted like he was trying to test the older's patience, he was always the calm one between their group of friends, always laughing and playing along. But in a situation like this, he found himself to be cautious of everything. He wanted everything to be perfect to make Jeno happy and increase his chance of being accepted. It was ridiculous, really. But that was what love did to you.

 

Jaemin felt a sweat down his back when Jeongyoon took his hand to the centre of the rooftop while everybody else moved to their position. He got an idea for it to be simple, but of course with a little bit of surprises since Jeno hadn’t seen most of his family members and friends in a long time, so he prepared a little gathering for everybody, like a mini picnic.

 

Jaemin had thought about every word, and even consulted Mark if he was getting too cringey. But really. When Jeno opened the door and showed up with a surprised face, everything went out of his head.

 

Jeongyeon let her hand slipped out of his, and Jaemin forced himself to smile though he knew his hands were cold as _fuck_ , that even Bongshik grimaced in his hold.

 

Mark tailed behind his lover while grinning from ear to ear. But Jeno took all his breath away. He always had. It was like watching everything folded out in front of his eyes again. Everyone else disappeared but them, and Jaemin couldn’t ask for a better place than being under the curious eyes of Jeno, like he was important and precious.

 

The older took slow steps at him. He looked handsome as always, black tousled hair with his working outfits, a clean rolled up white shirt and jeans. But his eye smile will always be Jaemin’s favorite.

 

“Hey, what’s going on?” Jeno asked. Suddenly in front of him with a confused look. “Is that a cat?”

 

Jaemin gulped down in his throat, his eyes were locked to Jeno. Suddenly, he felt everything went back to all of the time Jeno had been in his life. Their first encounter, their first words to each other, up to where the first time their lips touched and the last time they made love. Instantly, nothing seemed to make sense, and Jaemin looked at him with a small smile inside his heart.

 

“Will you marry me, Jeno?” Jaemin was never been so sure in his whole life. He never wanted anyone other than Jeno to hold him, to make him loved, to have the same pair of eyes to wake up to everyday. Just him.

 

Jaemin reached out to his pocket, the same time Jeno’s smile faded away in what looked like a shock.

 

It was a diamond ring. His mother helped him to pick one pair up about two weeks ago. Jaemin always carried them all the time since, always dreaming when he could actually put them on their fingers.

 

“I got a kitten and my whole heart for you. And for now, they are the only thing I could give you. But if you are willing to spend more time with me, I want to give you everything and more. I’ll work hard to love you to the fullest, Jeno. So please, marry me?”

 

Bongshik meowed in Jaemin’s arms and he let out an awkward laugh as he held out the ring to Jeno in anticipation. Jeno chuckled, covering his mouth like he couldn’t believe what just happened, Jaemin could see a little bit of smile in his eyes and he could feel his heartbeat drumming faster in his chest.

 

Instead of answering, Jeno reached out a hand and pulled Jaemin by the waist. “Come here,” he whispered. Jaemin stumbled a little, but Jeno held him in place and smiled down at him as if he was the most precious in the world. Now that there was almost no space between them except for the cat, Jaemin can feel himself blushing. He was a little bit taller than Jeno but the older one will always make him feel smaller whenever he did all the little special smile of his. “Can’t believe you invited everyone.”

 

“Want everyone to see your beautiful face when i put this on your finger." Jaemin grinned, for a moment, he can only see Jeno without everyone else.

 

Jeno chuckled. “How thoughtful,” he whispered and Jaemin started to laugh. He eyed the ring down, giving Jeno a hint with a mischievous glint.

 

“So…?”

 

Jeno caressed his cheek, and Jaemin nuzzled to the warmth of it. “Is that what you want? Do you want to be stuck with me for the rest of your life?”

 

“Yes,” he firmly said. “I know it’s a big step and we haven’t really talked about it yet, but i,” he took a deep breath. “But I want you in my life, Jeno. Really, desperately, patiently wanting you. I don't want anybody else but you. Don’t you want to?”

 

Jaemin can see his glassy eyes, the music suddenly started to play, and he might have shed a few tears without himself knowing. It was a tear of happiness, anyway.

 

Jeno palms both caressed Jaemin’s cheeks as if comforting him. “Of course I do, baby,” he smiled with tears in his eyes. “Okay,” he nodded, and then a sniffle. “Let’s get married, you and i.” He took the ring from its case, flinging it onto Jaemin’s palm and smiled as Renjun started to sing, while the younger put the ring on Jeno’s ring finger.

 

By the time Jeno put the other ring on his finger and then kissed it, everybody clapped and cheered, a reminder that they weren’t alone in the moment.

 

“I want to kiss you but our parents are here,” Jeno whispered low in Jaemin’s ear. “Do you think we can escape somewhere?”

 

Jaemin giggled and slapped his chest weakly. “They came here for us, idiot. Be a responsible host.”

 

Jeno chuckled and propped their foreheads together. “You are amazing, Nana. I’m so lucky to have you.” Making Jaemin smile, he said, “Now give me the cat.”

 

Jaemin laughed, handing Bongshik over to him. “Her name is Bongshik,” he told him, smile getting bigger when he saw Jeno’s big grin plastered on his face as he held the cat up. Jaemin cupped his cheeks and kissed him on the lips now that he acted cute like that. “I know you would be more happy about her. She is the perfect bait, I knew it.”

 

“Should mine be dolphin and polar bear to make up for her?”

 

“Too bad they're all illegal,” Jaemin refuted, clutching himself on Jeno’s arm as everybody else crowded them, giving them congratulations and blessings, phones and camera videos to record the moment as the music playing in the background.

 

Jaemin stole another kiss when everybody else was laughing, sighing contentedly when Jeno planted a chaste kiss on his forehead, telling him how good he was and how lucky they were together.

 

For the first time, Jaemin knew what type of happiness that would last forever, as long as he had Jeno by his side.

 

 

 

:::

 

 

 

“We ran out of eggs, do you want to order anything else?” Jeno closed the double refrigerator door, walking closer to Jaemin who perched himself on his stomach on top of the sofa with his long legs covering almost the length of it. He was watching the recent romance drama religiously while Bongshik nuzzled at the foot of the sofa, snoring in her sleep.

 

“Oh my god, it ended, Jeno. I knew that bitch was up to something,” Jaemin sighed dramatically. Jeno came and sat on top of his legs, his noisy flip flop rose into the air as he moved to sit on Jaemin’s ass instead. The younger groaned.

 

“I asked you if you want to order something, we ran out of eggs.” Jeno said in a flat, aggressive tone.

 

“Oof, get off! You’re heavy!” Jaemin lifted his hips up trying to get rid of Jeno, but the older laughed at him instead.

 

“It’s a payback, you made mine sore. I’m gonna look funny on my presentation tomorrow.” Jeno complained. He did hurt his hips because a certain someone was _plundering_ down on him last night.

 

Jeno can’t practically see his husband face right now, but the asshole probably grinned. As he got off of him, Jaemin quickly turned his body around, pulling Jeno to sit on his lap.

 

“Aww, hubby. Does it still hurt? C’mere let me kiss your ass,” Jeno blushed at the blatant remarks and slapped a hand across Jaemin's temple when he started to laugh hysterically.

 

“Next time you fucking play that prank on me again, i’m gonna murder you,”  Jaemin has the audacity to pout like a baby that he is, so of course Jeno has to kiss it away. He bent down and cupped his cheeks, pulling him into a languid and sloppy kiss. “You’re a baby.”

 

Jaemin grinned instead. "Ooh, i wanna be murdered by you, then," he looked so playful when he kissed Jeno's palm. Though it quickly faded and was replaced by worry. “I’m sorry? I didn’t know i’d have that much energy at night, though that might come in handy sometimes…”

 

Jeno shot him a glare.

 

“I promise i won’t do that again. Forgive me? Forgive me?” He was acting cute again, and Jeno wouldn’t be Jeno if he could get away from his husband whenever he acted like that.

 

“I was just going to kiss my husband good night but all I got was a cold hard floor when you pushed me off the bed.”

 

“If it’s fair, i didn’t know Bongshik was there and she would scream at you when you land on her tail.”

 

Jeno rolled his eyes, nudging Jaemin to move to the side so he could slide onto his side. The younger grinned, making space and quickly hug him.

 

“Is it still hurting, baby?” Jaemin asked, patting his butt generously. “I’m really sorry, I won’t do that again, promise.”

 

Jeno scoffed, hugging Jaemin's warm body and practically latching himself onto him. “You better, now kiss me.”

 

Jaemin’s smile was small but made Jeno’s heart flutter nonetheless. “You little brat, you were throwing tantrums because you wanted a kiss, huh?” Jaemin muttered. “I’ll give you a kiss, then.” Then he kissed him, first to his lips, and on his cheeks, nose, chin, everywhere in his face that Jeno started to laugh. When he kissed his eyes, Jeno groaned and shoved him away, but Jaemin held on his wrists in a strong grip, then dropping his kisses to trailed the younger's neck, biting and nibbling softly at the skin.

 

Jeno reduced himself into a puddle, his laugh had vanished at the same time as Jaemin’s lips visited his skin. The atmosphere had  changed gradually, he was no longer smiling but starting to bite on his lips when Jaemin kisses began to reach his chest. The younger was no longer beside him but already on top of him now.

 

“Nana…” Jeno closed his eyes when Jaemin started to nipped at certain part on his exposed chest.

 

“Yes, baby?”

 

“Mark--oh my god,” Jeno yelped when Jaemin licked a stripe across his nipple. He was the worst at teasing, Jeno hated him a lot for it and ironically loved him for the exact same reason.

 

Jaemin halted his movement to look at his husband's reddened face. He shook his head. “Calling your cousin's name when I tried to please you, you sure are brave,” he fucking _giggled_ and Jeno lose his mind again at the way he started to move his hips, rolling down against his groin like a perfect sin that he is.

 

“No--no Mark, Nana--” Jeno’s fingers were locked in his husband’s hair, gripping it tightly, following where he started to left fiery kisses on his skin again.

 

“Hmm?” Jaemin trailed his tummy tenderly, and Jeno was not aware of his shirt being lifted, because all he could feel was just Na Jaemin. “What do you want, baby?”

 

 _This. Is. Torture_ Jeno’s mind went screaming. He wanted him closer and closer, but his senses were still perfectly working and to get his husband off of him quickly because they had a visit. Yes.

 

Mark and Renjun.

 

God.

 

With a harsh tug, Jeno pulled Jaemin up by his hair to face him. He was breathless, and Jaemin looked so gorgeous with his slightly plump lips, messy hair and irresistible self.

 

The world is really unfair.

 

“Okay, okay, time out. Na Jaemin, time out.”

 

Jaemin propped both hands on the sofa, caging Jeno in. He tilted his head in question. “What’s wrong?”

 

Jeno reached up a hand to palmed Jaemin’s cheeks. “Mark and Renjun,” he said breathlessly. “You invited them for a marathon, remember? They are supposed to be here in a minute and I don’t really want them to look at me like _this_.”

 

Jaemin nodded his head in understanding as he rolled off of him and onto the floor. “Loved and in a postal bliss?” He grinned again, pointing at the fading purple marks on his body. “Don’t worry, you still look pretty to me.” He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss on Jeno’s lips, fingers moving low to tidy up his shirt in gentle touches.

 

When Jaemin pulled away from him, Jeno grabbed his shirt and kissed him again. “Nothing in the fridge,” he whispered lazily against his lips, dropping another kiss. “What’s for dinner?” He asked again, and another kiss after Jaemin muttered a simple _you_. “Chicken?” He kissed him again, and this time, Jaemin’s smile was pressing on his own. “Jajjang?” Jeno kept teasing him, biting down on his lower lip only to pull away quickly.

 

“I hope you know you are not making this easy for me,” Jaemin looked at him with half lidded eyes while Jeno curled a smile and tapped a finger teasingly on his chest. “I want pizza. Can you call them, my darling husband?” He kissed Jeno back, but this time he held on his jaw, deepening their kiss and not letting the older go away so quickly. “Can we just go to the bedroom? Hmm?”

 

Jeno chuckled when Jaemin's lips started to ghost on his jaw, making him tilt his head like clockwork to the side. “I’m sorry baby, but they are going to be here soon.” Jeno left an apologetic kiss on his cheek, and Jaemin’s eyes were still bright even when he had his pout on.

 

As if on cue, the doorbell rang.

 

They moved out from their old apartment last year after Jeno got promoted from his job. It was his one year anniversary gift to his lover and the one they lived in currently had three bedrooms and larger space than their old place. Jaemin's work hours were still a mess, but he always made time for Jeno whenever he could, especially now that he has moved to work as a researcher in one of Seoul’s newest aquarium so he can travel less. They always had dinner together. Sometimes, on an early Tuesday night, they could even go on a date to the nearest restaurant or watch the available musicals at the theatre. The weekends were the best because it was either they booked the nearest hotel near the beach or stayed inside and cuddled all day long.

 

Marriage life was never easy, that was what everybody said. But to Jeno, it was still like living with Na Jaemin all those years back, a lot of kisses, a lot of making out, and everything in between that moved as fast as if they were in a movie.

 

They invited their friends over for a drink on good days and visited their parents on lonely days. But recently, Jeno realized something had been missing greatly. He felt like Jaemin knew exactly what. Or who.

 

“I’ll go get the door,” Jaemin got up after leaving a kiss on his forehead. Jeno stood up to made sure his shirt was pressed on his body. It would be embarrassing if anyone saw those love bites all over his chest and stomach. “Can you get an extra pineapple for Mark?”

 

Jeno muttered an _evil_ under his breath before he searched for his phone to call the pizza place they usually order.

 

“Injunnie brought hotpot ingredients!” Jaemin shouted after Jeno hung up on the phone. Mark was already sitting on the sofa with his huge ass jacket. Jeno flopped himself beside his cousin, asking him how was work lately.

 

Jaemin and Renjun padded away to the kitchen. Mark and Jeno would never touch the kitchen whenever their husbands were cooking. It wasn’t like Jeno couldn’t cook, he’ll gave himself a solid seven for cooking a few dishes. But Mark was a disaster in the kitchen, definitely not recommended.

 

“Renjun’s mom visited us earlier, she said she wanted to give me Injunnie’s drawings when he was a kid that she recently found.”

 

Jeno shuffled through the channels on TV, sitting comfortably while picking randomly at the shows. He can hear the delightful tone in Mark’s voice meaning that he loved what he received.

 

“Renjun never let me see his baby works, i see how it is.” Jeno commented.

 

Mark chuckled, picking Bongshik on his lap and caressed her fur. “They’re mostly adorable. Wanna see?”

 

Jeno nodded excitedly while Mark pulled out his phone and showed him his gallery. There were pictures of Renjun’s messy colors and lines. Jeno giggled at a few drawings and awed that Renjun had been extremely talented since he was little, no wonder he become a successful designer now.

 

“Don’t tell him that I showed them to you. I promised not to tell anyone,” Mark informed before he put his phone back, and Jeno nodded in understanding. “There was something mom told me too.”

 

Jeno lifted an eyebrow at his sudden change in his voice.

 

“She gave us a number to a foster house, you know, so we can adopt a child. She said having kids will make us happier.”

 

“Did you guys actually consider that? I know you wanted to be a father, too, hyung.”

 

Mark sighed and a small smile formed on his lips. “We did, and we’re currently doing research too. I’m sure Junnie is informing Nana about this right now, but I just want to let you know from me first.”

 

Jeno smiled. “I’d be happy for you, hyung. I’m sure you’d be a great father, both of you. ”

 

Mark nodded and rubbed a hand over Bongshik’s fur while Jeno finally picked up a channel before their TV show marathon. They engaged in more conversation before their husbands were back, Renjun telling Mark to check on how the hotpot taste while Jeno had a mini eye contact with his husband.

 

He smiled at Jaemin who instead of returning them, settled beside him and hugged him instead. Jeno wondered what had happened to him before slowly rubbing a hand over his hair and soon wrapping an arm around his hips in a comforting motion.

 

 

 

:::

 

 

 

Jeno watched in awe at how the little fishes moved inside the endless caged water. He knocked on the glass once, trying to get the attention of a fish and smiled when the creature swam over to him.

 

He puts his coat on one arm, watching the fish swims and looking up to see more of the blue colors. It’s beautiful. Jaemin’s life basically revolves around the ocean, from doing expeditions for his research to his current job, thinking about his husband’s life couldn’t be talked separately from the ocean.

 

Jeno loved seeing him drown in his love for the things he was passionate about, he just wished he could be happy doing them until the end without burning himself in the process. Jeno felt selfish sometimes, how he wanted Jaemin to quit his job because he should rest more, not going to different islands and oceans every few months and going home like the rest of the world had thrown rocks at him repeatedly. If it was for money, then Jeno was sure he could work for the both of them. But he knows it is still Jaemin’s life to begin with and he wants nothing for him than to be happy. He stopped going on those expeditions after they got married, anyway, so Jeno could stop worrying a little now.

 

“What is a man so beautiful like you doing out here, Sir? Are you lost?” Jeno felt warm arms wrapped around his hips, hugging him from the back.

 

Jeno grinned and leaned back to his husband’s embrace. “I need an equally beautiful guide to walk me around.”

 

Jaemin chuckled, turning Jeno around to face his bright smile. “Am I qualified enough?”

 

Jeno inspected his beautiful face carefully, taking in his thin pink lips that quirks at each corner, his long eyelashes that hugged his doe eyes perfectly. He brushed the hair off his forehead and tipped toe to put a soft kiss there, making the younger giggle. “The best and most pretty,” he breathed, and pulled Jaemin’s hand to intertwined it to his and guided them to walk out of the aquarium.

 

Jaemin nuzzled at his arm, walking beside Jeno and to the parking lot where he spotted their car.

 

The night had come with a wrathful dawn, pushing the burst of dark orange and tiring day into the humble dark blue whilst the moon hung high in the sky called night. They promised to go get dinner together, so Jeno left his car at their apartment building and went by bus to the aquarium where Jaemin work. He settled on the driver's seat, with Jaemin pulling on his seatbelt along his chest and dropping an extra kiss on his cheek.

 

They shared how their day had been. Jaemin said there was a new project for the coral reefs reproduction, so he was doing a little research with other scientists on them while Jeno went on a team meeting, twice, discussing pricing with the purchasing team.

 

When their car approached the tiny restaurant where they usually had Jaemin’s favorite dish, the younger was in the middle of singing along to a song on the radio while Jeno laughed at him for being ridiculously annoying and magically super adorable. Years of being with Na Jaemin had granted jeno a pass on dealing with his random moods.

 

This was the third night after Jaemin’s sudden awkward behavior during their marathon with Mark and Renjun. Jeno asked him why but he refused to talk about it, continuing what they had delayed before his cousin’s arrival instead. Until now, Jeno still hadn’t got a clue why, but he won’t give up until Jaemin talked to him about it. Communication and trust are, obviously, the most important things in a relationship. They faced several problems because of this in their earlier stage of dating, it wasn’t easy for someone like him nor Jaemin to open up to each other at first, but they did, eventually. And now, Jeno strongly believes that he is the sole person on earth that knows Na Jaemin both as a broken little boy and a grown man, inside and out, he knows the way to Jaemin’s soul like he knows his own.

 

He can see it now, how something is certainly bugging him. Not in the way his brows furrow or the gentle smile tugging at his lips; but the way he talks and gets touchier than usual. Because that only means he isn’t sure about something and needing the blanket of comfort that everything is going to be alright.

 

It was almost the same as those years ago when he decided to join an expedition that started in Mahahual and Pez Maya for eight months and was afraid to tell Jeno that he wanted another break for Jeno’s sake. It was two years after their first break and Jeno said yes, because he wasn’t sure that he can be emotionally tortured, worrying about Jaemin not contacting him each night to tell him that he was okay. He buried himself with work, but nothing can erase the younger from his mind and how frustrated he was to not have any news of him at all. But he let him go after four months because he met someone. A girl; nice, pretty, smart and buried in the past.

 

They broke up after four months and Jeno met Jaemin again in a random club after almost a year not seeing each other. Fate always found a way to bring them together, almost as if they revolved and grew around each other. When they had thousands of reasons to be apart, the universe seemed to pull all the right string and draw them even closer.

 

Jeno remembered how amazingly painful it was to have spotted Jaemin with another guy on the dance floor while he himself was drinking with a guy that flirted with him the moment he entered the place. Their eyes met and it was the universe pulling strings again, the invisible, flawless string.

 

Their first words to each other started with a _hello_ and ended with a _goodbye_ , it was not until a few days later when a random number texted him that it turned out to be Na Jaemin, asking him out to lunch. Jeno said yes, they ended up spending the day together talking about life and kissing in front of Jeno’s apartment door by the time it ended. The kissing part was also painful, Jeno remembered a lot of biting and pent up frustration that when it was all over, he cried and the _i miss yous_ were pouring out of his mouth along with Jaemin’s _sorrys_. Such a fate they had.

 

That night brought them into today. The spoken compromise and careful whispers that sent shiver down Jeno’s skin lent him a future beside Na Jaemin, and he would do anything for them to keep moving forward together, just by being by each other sides.

 

“Let’s take a walk,” Jeno said, taking his husband’s hands and walk them both outside after he paid for their meal. “You and i need to burn all the calories.”

 

“That’s a lame excuse to hold my hand,” Jaemin jokes. They passed their car and walked alongside each other while the world was a cruel cold visiting their skin, crawling at the tiniest part on their bodies to let them embrace each other closer.

 

They kept walking in silence, commenting silently at the stores that were having big sales and talented street musicians they passed. At some point, they stopped to visit a drug store for Jeno who had caught a cold, and was soon will probably followed by Jaemin.

 

When they exited the store, Jaemin stopped walking, causing Jeno to look over his shoulder to watch his husband quivering lips. He tilted his head and let his thumb ran a comforting circle on Jaemin’s palm. Jeno can tell that he was nervous, so he gave him nothing but a gentle smile.

 

“It’s okay, you can say it.” Jeno said, and Jaemin heaved out a big sigh.

 

His husband chuckled and walked over to stay close into Jeno’s warmth again, holding the medicine in his hand. “How can you still  make my heart flutter this easily, husband?”

 

Jeno made an effort to smile before he sneezed out loud, brushing a hand over his nose. “I should be the only one in the world who knows how.” He sang song and sniffled, making Jaemin reach out to his bag and grabbed a tissue to wipe the older's nose.

 

They walked back to the car, and it was before Jaemin got behind the wheel that he dropped the unexpected bomb for Jeno.

 

“How do you feel about adopting a child, Jeno?”

 

Jeno sank back on his seat while staring at his husband. “Jaemin-ah, you don’t--”

 

“I want to, Jeno. Please, you have to trust me. I wouldn’t be talking about this if i’m not serious,” Jaemin interfered. “I know you want to be a father, and i do too. Remember when we visited Minki-hyung's first born and you said you wanted to have a child someday? Well this is it, baby, this is _the_ someday," Jaemin sounded so sure and yet scared, Jeno just wanted to hug him when his voice began to quivered in fear and sadness. "I might not know how to be one, seeing i never really knew what fatherly love was supposed to be like. But i want to learn how, with you.”

 

Jeno reached out a hand to brushed it on his cheek. “I thought you want to take your PhD this year? I don’t think it’s a good time to have a child, Nana. We need to take care of them and have a lot of time for them.”

 

“I know!” Jaemin grabbed Jeno’s hand to hold it as if making sure that he understood it well. “I just--I have been thinking a lot about this and I love you the most but, something is missing? I’m sure you can feel it too, Jeno. I love you so much and we are great, you are great! But-” he sighed and Jeno let him finish his talk. “Don’t you think it would be wonderful?” When Jaemin finished, Jeno kissed his forehead to let him know that he was listening well. "A little feet will walk with you and me. Our house won't be so quiet anymore and we will have more reason to live, don't you think so?"

 

“Of course I think it would be wonderful,” he sighed into his hair. “Anything with you would be wonderful,” he confessed. “But what about your studies? I’m fine if you want to leave for months for your research and funding because I know you would be alright and I trust you. But if we choose to adopt now, we need to make them a priority.”

 

Jaemin’s smile was warm and his hands were cold when he propped their foreheads together. “I won’t take my PhD yet, maybe in the future, but not now. Right now I want to spend more time with you and build our family,” Jeno can tell that he was nervous, so he brushed a hand to the back of his neck, comforting him. “I want to see you be a great father, how gentle you would be, and how happy you looked. Have u told you that you looked the most beautiful when you're happy?"

 

Jeno pulled him into a hug, breathing into his neck and thinking how happy he was at that moment. “Are you sure? I need you to be a hundred percent sure and that this is what you want.”

 

Jaemin nodded. “I’m sure,” he cheered. “We can like, start our research first. I’ll deal with all the papers after we pick which organization will be suitable for us. And then there's the home study and legality, too. I read that those would be quiet handful but i’m sure we could get through it, and then...and then--”

 

“Whoa, okay, slow down, baby,” Jeno giggled, holding his husband’s face with both hands and silenced him up with a kiss. “Just how much that you have read?” He purred against his lips. “We’ll do it together, okay?”

 

Jaemin returned his kiss a little deeper, closing his eyes and smiling against Jeno’s lips. “Together.”

 

 

 

:::


	2. Remember the Footsteps, Remember the Words Said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: minor character deaths
> 
> Some things in this chapter were altered only for the sake of the fic, not on facts, so, i'm so sorry for that in advance along with my lack of grammar and vocabularies, please forgive me.
> 
> In other words, please do enjoy this chapter nonetheless. ♡

_Fall, 2019_

 

The journey to fatherhood, Jaemin decided, was not as easy as wanting it. Being a same-sex couple made it extremely hard for them to adopt. At first they were doing meetings with organizations that they thought were good, but those organizations didn’t really consider working with LGBT parents, so there was that. After about a month, Jeno found an adoption class and they booked it for the weekends because that was the only time that they weren’t busy.

 

The same case happened with Renjun and Mark and they had been trying longer than them, although they finally found an organization that would reviewed them after Jaemin and Jeno went to the classes for about a month.

 

“Be patient,” Jeno whispered against Jaemin’s ears, holding a cup of coffee in his hand that he made while the younger was staring frustratingly at his laptop. “When the time comes, they’ll come to us.” Jeno’s hand settled on his shoulder and Jaemin kissed the back of it tenderly.

 

“I just don’t get it. They haven’t even let us prove ourselves and decided that, what? We'd be a bad parent that brought bad influence? Much appreciation for Korean law.”

 

Jeno  bent low to see what was on the screen in his husband’s laptop. He was reading another organization again and none would allowed LGBT couples still.

 

“How about an international organization? I could ask my friend regarding the legalization matters since he worked at an international firm.”

 

Jaemin nodded his head. “Do you think they’ll allow us to have a newborn adoption?”

 

“Dunno,” Jeno answered honestly, reaching for Jaemin’s cup and drank the rest of the coffee in one go. Jaemin protested why he didn’t make two but Jeno ignored him with a giggle. “But i’m sure there are still kids out there that needed home, and we could give them just that. It's just a shame if we couldn’t do it in our home country first.”

 

Jaemin tilted his head playfully and looked up to see his husband's face who carefully put the glass on the kitchen counter. “First?” He teased. “Did you just say we can have more babies?”

 

Jeno lifted one of the corners of his mouth. Until today, the gesture will always have Jaemin weak on the knees. The older then put a finger on his jaw, bringing their heads closer before their lips softly brushed and Jaemin could feel the aftertaste of coffee in his breath. “I’m taking care of my most important baby, though.”

 

The words made Jaemin cackled as he leaned backwards out of fear and embarrassment. Jeno was never good at flirting, but that was what made him the most lovable in Jaemin’s eyes. “Oh shut up, you.”

 

Jeno was leaning his hands on the table, trapping Jaemin’s inside his arms with the younger’s back against the hard surface while he towered over him and the world was lost all of a sudden. Jaemin still laughed out loud for what felt like hours before Jeno got annoyed and started leaving kittenish lick on his ears. It worked, but only to make him laugh even harder.

 

The younger still tried to get away from his husband and his evil tongue before they got startled by Jaemin’s ugly phone ringtone. Jeno’s hands that weirdly settled on Jaemin’s hips loosened a little.

 

Jaemin let out a defeated groan and Jeno laughed this time, declaring his win although no one was playing a game. The younger rolled his eyes before taking his phone. He got highly anxious by every phone call these days, because it could be a call from an organization that will consider them to be a parent. He cleared his throat before greeting the caller. “Hello?”

 

“Hello, Jaemin-ssi?”

 

Jaemin was listening patiently. His expression changed from being all smiles to serious. Jeno watched him carefully before the other almost looked like he was about to cry. When he ended the phone with too much _thank yous_ , the first thing he did was to hug Jeno. His husband, his lover, his best friend, the love of his life and the only person in the world Jaemin can share everything with.

 

“They’re reviewing us.” Jaemin whispered when Jeno wrapped him close without questioning anything. Soon after he said those three words, a startled sound started coming out of his mouth as if he couldn’t believe what he had just heard. He returned Jaemin's hug twice as hard, almost lifting him off the ground and into his arms.

  
  


:::

  


_Spring, 2020_

 

“They can’t just delayed it like that, I pay in full and they're still not delivering it today?”

 

Lee Jeno stood in the living room with both hands perched on his hips, his fingers tightly grasped the phone after he got a message that the baby chair that he customed couldn’t arrive today as promised. Jaemin sat at the sofa hugging Bongshik on his lap, watching and listening to his husband’s rant while messaging the bone on his nose.

 

The older had kept the antics for about thirty minutes and always magically had something new to complain. For he loved him with his whole heart, the perfectionist Lee Jeno was a little challenging to handle, although he did looked cuter with deep frown etched on his forehead.

 

“It’s okay, we’re not in a hurry. I’m sure a few chairs missing won’t make our baby sad,” Jaemin sighed, eyes trailing his husband’s movement that slowly become erratic. “Okay? Just calm down, Jeno--”

 

“I’m going to the store myself,” Jeno cut him off. “Or should we go to another store? Hm? Let’s visit IKEA before lunch, Nana. It opened at 10 AM right?”

 

“Well, yes--”

 

“Then let’s go, we still have time before lunch,” Jeno searched for his car keys, still mumbling words to himself before Jaemin stopped him, pulling him down to sit on his lap on the sofa after letting the cat slipped out of his hands. Jeno protested, but Jaemin only wrapped his hands around his stomach so he won’t leave, the exact same thing he did to the pillow he hugged before.

 

“I swear to God if you want us to get there at 6 in the morning and wait for the shop to open at 10 on a Saturday, i’m gonna do something you will regret for the rest of your life.” The younger whispered lowly right beside his ears.

 

“But i--”

 

Jaemin shut him up with a kiss behind his neck and kept his lips there. “Stop. Let’s go back to bed,” he warned deeply, making Jeno shudder. “Okay?”

 

“Okay…” Jeno whimpered and Jaemin left a gentle kiss on  the back of his neck as a present. “Sorry, I was just, I don’t know... am I being too excited?” He turned his head to look at his husband. “Am I being annoying to you?”

 

Jaemin smiled and nodded his head, meeting Jeno’s eyes to give him a playful pout and captured his lips again. “Annoyingly cute,” he half lied, drawing comfortable circles on his stomach. “Let’s go back to sleep?”

 

Jeno got up first, reaching a hand so Jaemin could take it. He looked calmer, so Jaemin kissed him again, just a little more gentler, chaster kiss; enough to tell him that he wasn’t mad. They held hands on the way back to their bed, Jaemin took a turn and brought Jeno inside their soon to be baby’s room instead.

 

They passed their home study in flying colors. After the unexpected news of them being reviewed for the adoption agency reached them, Jaemin  dealt with the papers while Jeno made sure they got everything they needed to pass. They even had social workers interviewing them and inspecting their apartment a couple of weeks ago.

 

It has been five months since the first time Jaemin suggested the idea of them adopting a child. They were excited at first; telling their friends and family --getting major support from them-- to the depressing and slight apprehension mixed with nervousness for the unknown weeks where they didn’t know whether their dream would become reality or not. They have chosen to do an open adoption. They wanted to know and get close to the family who let them raise their baby, thanking them on every step of growth.

 

One month and two weeks ago, they were informed that the agency had finally found a match to a mother who was eight weeks away from her delivery. Jaemin and Jeno couldn’t be more excited, it was like God saying that one of them got pregnant or something. They took the birth mother --a single young woman and her adoptive mother, to a date with them. It was awkward at first, but they talked a lot about the process and her adoption plan. What she had done was amazing and a very selfless act to let new parents like them have a chance on raising her son. Today they even planned to take her on another lunch date, she texted them that she wanted to eat korean food lately, so they are going to take her to a traditional restaurant with the greatest chef they could find in town.

 

“Thank you, Jeno,” Jaemin said, resting his chin on Jeno’s shoulder, hugging him from behind when they watched the empty bedroom at the mouth of the door. “For giving us a try on this.”

 

The room was decorated by Jeno, he had a more profound interest in interior design so Jaemin let him do it. From the baby crib to the whites on the wall, Jeno did everything himself. He painted the wall, build the closet and even knitted the blanket himself with the help of his sister. Renjun even helped them design the painting of daisies that now decorating the broken white color of the room. It was a little amazing that this room will soon be filled with a little soul, that will probably cry at ungodly hours with heart so big to be filled with happiness and love.

 

Jeno turned around to face him, smiling from ear to ear. “Thank you for being here with me right now. Everyday, you only make me happier.” He swooned before cupping Jaemin’s cheek and kissed him deeply.

 

Jaemin smiled against his lips before he returned the kiss even deeper, the tenderness of the way his lips taste will always drive Jaemin insane. Jeno sure knew that once he kissed the younger’s neck, his resistance would instantly crumble. After just a few delicate touches of his lips, Jaemin’s hands began to do its bidding and fell down his back as his own head swam wildly.

 

Jeno’s kisses arrived on Jaemin’s shoulder now, his hands were coarsed on the younger’s  hips, pulling him even closer to his body. Jaemin grabbed on his hair, pulling him up to face him, a little frown on his forehead from all the teasing. Jeno knew exactly what he wanted and he didn’t let him have them.

 

Jaemin can see Jeno’s little chuckle, voice falling into a whisper in his ears. “Maybe we shouldn’t get that sleep, after all.”

  
  


:::

  
  
  


_Fall, 2020_

Jaemin can remember exactly how his and Jeno’s wedding went. There were flowers, not so many guests, black and white dominating the slate gray room. There were the vows and the kiss that followed right after. He can vaguely remember the moment Mark got up from his seat to make a toss for everybody and told a story on how Jeno’s first lesson to bike riding was awful and he had to take the younger home on his back. Mark also told everyone in the room about Jeno’s first love; sweet and short, dizzying and weird. How it was a 180 degree change from Jaemin, which he believes to be Jeno’s last love.

 

Speaking of Mark Lee, him and Renjun had adopted a little three year old boy at an orphanage in Daegu, after months of waiting, the couple finally could spend their remaining times taking care of another soul with their hearts.

 

Jaemin can remember the day on his marriage, the nervousness and happiness, the anticipation and the nausea. He can perceive it in crystal clear because he feels the exact same thing at the moment. On his skin and onto the blood rush that pumped his heart. He felt so weak and weirdly excited that he went back and forth in front of the waiting room like a broken iron.

 

“Nana, can you stop? You’re making me nervous.”

 

Jaemin stopped and stared at his husband right in the eyes. _“_ But i  _am_ nervous,” he hissed, rolling his eyes and back to his nonsense walk. “How long do you think a labor went? I feel like it’s been years.”

 

“Sit back here,” Jeno stressed over, patting the empty chair beside him. And when Jaemin didn’t move, he urged again, his voice deeper this time. “Come sit here, baby.”

 

Jaemin sighed, walking back the way Jeno had told him to. “Do you think she is okay? What if something went wrong? Why the _fuck_ is no one here to inform us already?”

 

“They said it will be awhile,” Jeno calmly said. “She has her mother inside, so don’t worry too much, okay, darling? Take a deep breath with me.”

 

Jaemin reached out to find Jeno’s hand and put his head on top of his shoulder. It was weird that they fought earlier this morning. It was a bit of a stupid fight when Jaemin got a phone call from his ex --ironically his first love, telling him to come to his wedding later in June. Jeno wasn’t there when Jaemin first said his greeting, but he was there after he ended it and started getting all the wrong ideas.

 

Jeno wasn’t all the jealous type, he was an irrational person that will find reason first than letting his feelings win. But weirdly, when it was in the mention of Han Jinwoo, Jaemin’s first in everything, he become a little defensive. It was cleared now though, after Jaemin kissed him all over his face and made him realize, both physically and emotionally, that his whole being belonged and wanted only Lee Jeno.

 

“But i’m still worried,” Jaemin confessed. “What if Minhee isn’t strong enough? She is pushing herself to her limits now, Jeno.”

 

“I know, I know. Let’s just pray for her, okay? She is our strongest hero, remember? We can’t forget that.”

 

That didn’t really calm him.

 

But Jaemin knew better than to panic and become more anxious than this. Over the course of roughly four weeks, Minhee had somehow become Jaemin’s and Jeno’s best friend. She really had all the charming aura and easy going persona. She loves candy and sweets, also swimming and watching movies. It was kind of a fate that Jaemin and Jeno found her. She said she had her baby because of an accident. She was still so young and felt like she couldn’t take care of them. Her mother was the only one she had that still supported her, so Jaemin told her about how he had lost his father too.

 

Jeno took care of her needs while she was pregnant and they were worried because the doctor said she could be a little weak to deliver the baby. She is rather small in frame and they were worried that Minhee wouldn’t be strong enough for a long period of time. All the decisions were in Minhee’s hands. Although both Jaemin and Jeno celebrate it when they find her,  both of them are still feeling anxious and worried. After all, Minhee is the real mother and they would do anything that she asks from them.

 

Jaemin wrapped his arms around Jeno’s hips, burying his face on the crook of the older’s neck and inhaled as much of his scent to calm all his nerves as possible. He really wished Minhee would be alright. She told them that after this, she wanted to go to college and started her life again. It was amazing that she still wanted to go through the whole pregnancy and risk her life for the baby. Both Jaemin and Jeno promised that she will always be the mother, they won’t exclude her from the baby’s life and she could always stay however long she wanted to.

 

Not long after, Jingyu, the organization representative, came into the waiting room and told them that Minhee was already done with her labor and that Jaemin and Jeno could visit if they wanted to.

 

Jaemin was excited. He felt like he could breathe again knowing about the good news. He wasn’t wrong that this felt like they had gone through their own labor. He got up when Jingyu told them to follow him, but Jeno held his hand, forcing him to turn around.

 

Jeno gave him a smile, in which Jaemin returned it with a bigger grin. He stepped closer in Jaemin’s space without breaking their shared hands, propping their foreheads together. “I love you, you know that, right?”

 

Jaemin tenderly kissed his cheek. “In my heart and soul, my darling.” That successfully made Jeno smile as he shut his eyes one last time before they finally walked out together, hand in hand, to visit Minhee.

 

 _Everything will change_ , Jaemin mentally noted. He didn’t want to say it out loud in fear of the exact opposite of what was going to happen. So he just tightened his grip on his husband’s hand and kept whispering the _i love yous_ in his ears.

 

“You guys are the first one she asked after her mother,” Jingyu said. There was a feeling of pride in Jaemin’s heart at the mention of it.

 

“Any news on her condition or...the baby?” Jeno was the one who asked first, probably reading Jaemin’s mind.

 

Jingyu smiled at them before answering. “Minhee’s child is a boy,” he assured. “I haven’t been told about their condition yet so i couldn’t really tell you.”

 

Suddenly, Jaemin can see small little bare feet running in the living room, playing robots or dolls with Jeno while he cooked them dinner. His heart was already full of happiness. Jeno kissed the back of Jaemin’s hand out of his own happiness.

 

“Was it a tough one?” Jaemin asked, remembering the frail and cheerful Minhee. He knew that it was a foolish question because Jingyu probably didn’t know either way. But he needs to know, all the hours of waiting is killing him.

 

“We’re here,” Jingyu answered instead, the middle aged man smiled to let the couple inside the room.

 

Jaemin noticed how nervous Jeno was beside him, so he grazed his cheek and gave him the warmest smile. They were greeted by Minhee’s mother beside the bed where Minhee laid, with a smile and was holding her baby. As the two entered the room, Minhee switched her attention to them, smiling wildly and looking painstakingly pale.

 

“Oppa, he is here,” she said weakly. Jaemin can see her smiling face and a sudden happiness burst inside his chest. It was like seeing a sister he never had. Her smile vanished and was quickly replaced by tears, which made her mother walk over to her.

 

Jeno gripped Jaemin’s hand even tighter, they felt like they were the ones who couldn’t breathe themselves. It had been twelve hours since Minhee was admitted to the hospital, _twelve_ long hours of battle and she ended up crying in her mother’s arms.

 

“The doctor needed to take her to the operating room now, said that she had an internal bleeding during her procedure,” Minhee’s mother said to them, tears falling down on her cheeks and Jaemin quickly hugged her, removing himself from his husband. “She wanted to talk to you both first.”

 

Jaemin nodded and whispered a series of repeated apology to her. No parents should ever see their child be in a situation where they were in so much pain. Jeno walked over to Minhee first and Jaemin can see his husband’s wall started to crumbled, his eyes were gleaming with tears as he watched the little miracle in Minhee’s hold. Jaemin can see the familiarity of the little gesture that Jeno pulled whenever he got nervous. Always the little frown, his tiny pout and cold fingers.

 

“Hi, strong girl,” Jeno wearily greeted, lowering himself to Minhee’s height. “How are you doing?”

 

Minhee’s eyes were smiling as Jaemin watched them both converse before she searched for his eyes. With a short breath and pale lips, she called out his name and asked him to come closer.

 

Jaemin joined his husband then, looking down at the woman who deserved the world and gave her the gentlest smile he can mustered. She only wanted to reach her dreams but was given the responsibility to bear a child instead. Jaemin wanted to be angry at everyone. To the jerk that left her, to the system that rather punished women than having them live their lives instead, to anything that caused this girl to burden all of these in her small frame at once. But she was an angel, and a very strong headed girl that wanted to give this child a chance, give _them_ a chance.

 

 _Korea’s population is low, anyway_ she had joked one day.

 

“Oppa,” she reached for Jaemin’s hand and he quickly squatted down beside her, making Jeno stood over them instead. “Remember when you ask me whether this all be worth it?” Jaemin squeezed her hand, silently telling her that he remembered all the conversation he had with her. The baby started to cry in her other hand and she kissed his forehead lovingly. “It hurts so much, Oppa, i bled a lot and felt like dying. But if,” she smiled back at both Jaemin and Jeno. “But if this child will grow happily, given a home to go back to and a loving smile everyday for the rest of his life, even if it isn’t with me, i think it will all be worth it. Please make it worth it.”

 

Hearing her pleads made Jaemin cry, he nodded frantically, feeling like losing himself. He didn’t know why he grew closer to this girl even in such a short period of time, so unlike any other relationship he had made in the past. Maybe it was all destiny. Maybe someone was pulling all the right strings to let them meet, and he was thankful for that, for her.

 

“You’ll watch him grow, too, Minhee-ya,” Jeno whispered, placing a hand on top of Jaemin’s shoulder. “He has your nose and high pitched scream.”

 

“I know,” Minhee weakly laughed before she looked at them again. “And I just knew that I was right to let you guys take care of him. Please keep your words, okay?” Jaemin nodded again. He didn’t know why he felt so sad when Minhee was being the strongest one here. “I’m trusting you both.” She finalized her words with another smile, letting Jaemin come closer to try and hold her baby after she kissed his forehead one last time. The nurses said that they could hold him for awhile before they had to take him to another room.

 

When Jaemin landed his eyes on the the little boy for the first time, he felt like he could breathe again, everything that stuck inside his lungs and made him suffocated for hours was replaced by a surge of newfound love he never knew existed. It was different than any other love he had in his life. Something prickling and protective, as if he knew no matter how today ended, he would protect this child with everything he got.

 

Jaemin didn’t realize that Jeno was already beside him once he stood up with the baby in his arms, all the parenting lessons that he and Jeno did prior to this moment suddenly felt important. They watched his little hands curled as Jeno experimentally held the boy’s thumb on his bigger finger, which made the baby  curl all five of his own to Jeno’s. The lovers both chuckled when it happened.

 

Jaemin waved to Minhee when she was taken by the nurses to the operating room, leaving a short kiss on her forehead. He looked over at the child once more, inspecting all the little quirks in his small body. He feels scared that he could break him, that the world is too big for a fragile being like him, and without himself knowing, he feels a tear graze his cheek again.

 

“Hey,” Jeno whispered closely to his ears, pulling Jaemin closer by his shoulder. Hearing his voice calm Jaemin down a little. “Are you okay, baby?”

 

Jaemin didn’t try to wipe his tears away, because Jeno already did it for him. “I am, I am.” He sniffled quietly, although he knew Jeno wasn’t even a tiny bit convinced just by that, looking that he had brought Jaemin’s head to rest on top of his shoulder and leave a light kiss on the side of it.

 

“Minhee said his name is Siwoo,” Jeno informed him, and as if being called, the baby --Siwoo-- started to loudly cry again. “The beginning of a defined protection.” He chuckled upon hearing Siwoo’s cries while Jaemin smiled, swinging his body left and right in order to ease his weeping.

 

“You heard your name, baby?” Jaemin chuckled, bopping his little adorable nose. “Hello Siwoo, my name is Jaemin, and this is our protector, Jeno," Jaemin smiled at his husband. "Well,  we both are. Nobody can hurt you as long as we are here with you. Okay, little one?”

 

Like one of the scene within his dreams, Jaemin suddenly got reminded of his own father. It wasn't that much of a memory, sometimes he could see him in a flash of something that should be forgotten, but holding Siwoo in his arms right now made him relish all of the little things he could fathom from his late father.

 

He wondered, would happiness finally last this time?

 

When the nurses decided that it was enough time for them, they took Siwoo away, leaving Jaemin in the room to wrap himself in Jeno’s arms while the older repeatedly kisses the top of his head and caressing the side of  his hips.

 

“You are probably too tired to remember, but happy anniversary, my darling. I love you so much, more than you could ever imagine. Thank you for giving me everything that you have promised to me. I wish to love you forever; and wherever that lasts, let me stay beside you.”

 

Jaemin could only murmur a, “happy anniversary, too, Jeno,” while propping his forehead with his husband’s. He felt tired, both emotionally and physically --even when his heart felt so full of happiness that he might burst. He wished Jeno could still read his feelings, that even without him to say it back at the moment, Jeno is still the only one in the world Jaemin can love and trust with his whole heart.

 

Always.

  
  


:::

  
  


_Winter, 2020_

 

The cold winter had the same amount of memories as the road covered snow, scavenging the last train home into the kind and cutting cold. There was sadness in the air, enveloping in what was left of the cherished girl with big dreams in her buried future.

 

Minhee died ten days after she gave birth to little Siwoo who didn’t know her yet. She kissed his small face all over again, in every beat until her heart went aloop and her breath stopped. There was a moment where everything turned white, like the fall of the first snow that kissed the earth, or the time frame where everything was dark before each dream. And it was the world who mourned for her the day she closed her eyes and sleep in the name of forever.

 

Jeno had always thought that death was part of life, that whenever the time comes, the living must understand that it was meant to be, something inevitable and destined. But seeing how the young girl still had a whole of her world uncovered had broken his heart like no other, that it was unfair for someone like Minhee to be taken before she could even see the world for what it really was, for all the hidden beauty and faraway heartache.

 

Jeno hugged Jaemin in his embrace when they attended Minhee’s funeral, all her old friends from the orphanage were there to send her home, to let her be at peace and let her go. It was a sad day for everyone and while it was cold, it was also very warm that the two lovers could witness everyone who knew Minhee longer to talk and share their stories about her.

 

That day, almost two weeks after Siwoo was born, Jeno and Jaemin sat on the couch in their living room with the little boy sleeping soundly in Jaemin’s arms.

 

Jaemin still looked like how he had been these past few weeks, nervous and afraid, sad and anxious. But he was looking down at Siwoo in his arms while the stars carved their own universe inside his eyes. When Jeno slipped a hand behind him and watched them, a tear visited the younger’s cheek and made Jeno shut his eyes to bump their foreheads together.

 

“He is so beautiful, Jeno,” Jaemin whispered, too afraid to raise his voice that he'd disturbed Siwoo. He ran a finger through the boy’s nose and smiled. “I won’t let anyone hurt him.”

 

Jeno realized he had the whole world inside his arms in the moment, his imperfect family and future to cherish. Kissing the side of Jaemin’s head, he whispered tenderly.

 

“I won’t let anyone hurt the both of you.”

  
  


:::

  
  
  


_Spring, 2021_

 

Lee Jeno dropped his bag on top of the dinner table while loosening the tie around his dress shirt after a long day at work. Jeno walked into the darkness, turning the lamp on to get rid of the empty milk bottles and dirty plates off the table. It was nearly 9 PM and he was late as usual. It hadn't been a good week for him and for his husband, they were both tired and sleepy, not getting enough rest and definitely needed a day where they could just sleep all day long.

 

Jeno then walked to the sink with the empty plates, rolling his sleeve up and began to wash them all up. He didn't do his usual chores in the house today, so now at least he should clean a plate or two before heading to bed.

 

After he was all done with the plates, Jeno walked back to the table and wiped the rather milky table with a clean cloth. He yawned a few times before finally turning the lamp off again, heading to his own room, he can't wait to take a warm bath.

 

When he entered his bedroom, it was empty.

 

Changing his plan from taking a well deserved bath, Jeno opened the closet and pulled out a clean white tee instead, taking his glasses off so his eyes could rest.

 

After making sure that he at least wash his face, Jeno headed outside and into Siwoo's room. Jaemin fell asleep on the sofa while holding the peacefully sleeping Siwoo in his arms.

 

Jeno smiled at the sight, slowly but steadily walking to him so he can go back to sleep in their own room.

 

Jeno's sister visited them last week to help and take care of Bongshik for a while. Even when there was only Siwoo, the two parents attention were instantly on him. Their whole world revolved around how they can give every little perfection for Siwoo. They wanted to repay and make sure they can keep their promises to Minhee.

 

"Hi," Jaemin greeted, unconsciously patting Siwoo's bum as if to lead the baby back to his dream. "Welcome home," he smiled sheepishly, eyes half closed. "Sorry I couldn't make dinner. Siwoo won't stop playing and staying awake tonight, I don't know why...but have you eaten? What time is it?"

 

Jeno brushed a hand across the younger's forehead, sweeping Jaemin's hair away and kissing it tenderly. "I ate, my husband always told me to never miss my dinner."

 

"Good husband," Jaemin chuckled lightly. Jeno bowed down to get Siwoo from his husband's hold, carefully picking him up so he could sleep in his baby cage.

 

"Hi, little prince," Jeno greeted when Siwoo moved in his sleep, his ball of hands raised up in the air. "Do you miss me? Because i miss you a lot today," he then kissed his temple and looked back at his husband. "Mom said she can come over tomorrow. You can rest or do your work," Jeno said once he safely put Siwoo on the bed, making sure that his space was comfortable enough. "But i prefer for you to rest," Jeno turned around and saw his husband still sitting on the sofa. "Actually i have a plan--"

 

"I'm sorry," Jaemin cut him off. Jeno was surprised and quickly walked over to him, though he made sure he left no sound for Siwoo's sake. "Jeno, I'm sorry."

 

Jaemin started to cry and Jeno pulled him up and hugged him tight, his palm brushed the back of Jaemin's head to calm him down. "What's wrong, darling? Why are you crying?"

 

Jeno took all of his sadness and cries with him until Jaemin can breathe easily again. Until he could speak whatever was on his mind. Until he was ready, Jeno wouldn't let go of him. Never.

 

"It's your birthday today," Jaemin said after awhile, burying his face on Jeno's neck. "It's your birthday and we haven't done anything special. _I_ haven't done anything special for you at all. I was about to plan something but i forgot the laundry i was supposed to pick up yesterday and the sink won't work so i called the plumber to fix it for _hours_. Then I crashed the vase from your aunt because I was holding Siwoo in my arms and I forgot to feed him, I panicked, so he cried. The vase was--it was your precious gift from your…"

 

"Hey, hey, look at me," Jeno urged, holding Jaemin's small face in his hands. But Jaemin closed his eyes instead, desperately making Jeno to brush a thumb across his cheek. "Baby, look at me, please?" He whispered softly this time, kept on caressing his cheek until Jaemin slowly fluttered his eyes open and Jeno greeted him with a warm smile. "It's okay," he told him. "Jaemin-ah, it's okay for you to not be okay all the time, you don't have to be perfect. I know you promised me you'll take care of everything, but you don't have to do them all on your own, my love. I'm here with you always, remember that."

 

Jaemin took a deep breath, he shut his eyes one more time. "I know, Jeno," he said, his voice still shaking. "I don't know what happened to me."

 

Jeno smiled and kissed his cheek, just to make sure Jaemin knew he was there. "You are tired, that's all," he whispered. "Tomorrow, mom will be here until the weekend and you can go anywhere you want, okay? Wherever that is, you can go and clear your head. No, no, no, I'm not mad," Jeno sushed him once he saw Jaemin's face filled with guilt, still holding his face. "Listen, I'm not mad at you for simply being human, okay? I just want you to be happy, and I know that having Siwoo makes you and i the happiest but it's alright if you feel like this, Nana. It's alright, it doesn't make you care for us less."

 

Jeno waited for him to calm down, until Jaemin gave up in his embrace and latched his whole body onto Jeno like he was still scared. "Happy birthday," he whispered, his face  buried in Jeno's chest, his favorite position, although it made him look funny because of his height. "I love you."

 

"I love you too," Jeno replied, kissing the top of his head. "Are you okay now?"

 

Jaemin nodded and he stood up straight to face Jeno. "Let's sleep?" He asked, but when Jeno agreed, he dragged him by the hand to watch Siwoo's sleeping face instead.

 

"He's so peaceful," Jeno commented, looking down at his son in his small cage. "What a nice baby."

 

Jaemin chuckled and rested his head on Jeno 's shoulder. "Do you think it would be better if one of us is at least a woman?"

 

"Why do you think so?"

 

"I don't know, wouldn't a woman have no breakdown like me? They always know what to do."

 

Jeno remembered his mother, Jaemin's mother and all the women that had been in his life. He kind of agreed with Jaemin on this premise. "I think all women will always be better than us men. But," he tightened his hold around Jaemin's shoulder. "I also think we are not that bad of a parent. We can ask Siwoo once he grows up."

 

"But I don't want him to grow up."

 

Jeno laughed. "Me too. But he kinda has to."

 

"He's gonna be handsome and pretty, what if some nasty boys or cruel girls hurt him? I don't want him to be hurt."

 

"Silly you," Jeno chuckled, giving his husband a butterfly kiss. "What if he is the one to break hearts? Like his father."

 

Jaemin scrunched his nose and raised his brows. "Oh, you mean like yourself?"

 

"Hmm," Jeno smiled mischievously. "I think you've forgotten the fact that you have broken my heart repeatedly," he whispered close to Jaemin's ears. "Tragically, you are the only one who can piece it back together."

 

Jaemin shoved him playfully. "Who told you to be this cheesy?" He chuckled, but then slapped his mouth when Siwoo moved in his sleep, muffling his own laughter and then slapping Jeno’s hand for it.

 

"You," Jeno muttered lowly, hugging Jaemin from behind and resting his chin on his shoulder.

 

"Who are you? Where is my shy Jeno who is afraid of any form of flirting?"

 

"He's dead in Na Jaemin's hands."

 

They walked out of the door awkwardly, with Jeno tugging and practically sticking his whole body on Jaemin's back after turning the lamp off. Muffled laughter is heard and Jeno prays that they won't wake little Siwoo up because now that he has Jaemin in his arms, he doesn't want to share with him anymore.

 

It was Jaemin who pressed Jeno on the wall beside Siwoo's room, both of his hands  holding a firm grasp on Jeno's wrists, caging him in so he could not possibly move.

 

"You want to play with me?" Jaemin muttered, crooking an eyebrow. "Let's play, then."

 

Jeno chuckled, weirdly amused. "Doesn't this mean that I already scored one though?"

 

"You mean before?" Jaemin quietly whispered, each word, his face only getting even closer to Jeno's. "I wasn't even playing."

 

“I'm still leading,” Jeno gave him a smug smile, his heartbeat was getting faster and faster. It was amazing to think that even after all this years, having Na Jaemin right in front of him could always made Jeno lose everything in a plain sight. It was like falling and he didn’t exactly know where he would land, _if_ he would ever land. All he knew about was that he fell, _hard_ , everything else was a blur.

 

Jaemin inched his face closer, and this time, their cheeks flushed together. Jeno’s breath caught in his throat but he held on to his own sanity, to his own will and pride and not crumble at the way Jaemin felt so close that he could just reach and kiss him breathless within one pull. “Do you know that tomorrow is a national lingerie day, somewhere on earth?”

 

“What?” Jeno laughed, but he silenced his voice immediately after Jaemin pulled away, now locking their eyes together with a lopsided grin on the corner of his lips. “That’s so random.”

 

“Hmm,” he whispered, way too close for heaven’s sake. “Do you like laces, Jeno?”

 

“I’m not,” Jeno deadpanned, probably too fast he couldn’t truly admit it. “I’m not going to wear any laces, husband.”

 

The younger’s smile was warm, but Jeno knew his intentions were not.

 

“I was talking about myself.”

 

And just like that, Jeno stopped falling and came to his downfall. It was in the form of someone he loved with his whole heart, the person that Jeno knew he would protect for whatever it takes. It wasn’t a good thought, and Jeno solemnly swore that Jaemin knew how much that he just said would affect him, because now he got a vivid imagination of him with nothing but _it_.

 

Jeno must have gone quite dumb when the younger ended up dying with laughter right on his face. But soon, when Jeno was sure he had his mouth slightly parted and a mind that needed to be erased, Jaemin stopped laughing and locked his fingers to his jaw, lifting it up to face him. His breath ghosted over his lips and Jeno would have never guessed that falling to his husband would be so amazingly torturing at this point when the younger whispered, _lowly_ , right before they kissed with teeth and tongues, with newfound darkness in never ending tomorrow.

 

“Checkmate, _husband_.”

  
  


:::

  
  


_Summer, 2023_

 

“Papa!”

 

Jaemin turned his head around to the all too familiar voice. He was holding a bucket of herring fish when Siwoo came shouting his name with his adorable little curls and a hat that says ‘No Dolphin No Life’. Seeing his son's bright smile made Jaemin put down the bucket, opening his hands wide and walked to the excited little boy.

 

“Hi, little prince, you are here!” Jaemin greeted him, lifting him off the floor and into his arms.

 

The nickname came from Jeno one day when they read him the exact same book with the same title by a French author, since then  both of them always called him by that in hopes that Siwoo would be just as brave and curious as the little prince in the book. Jaemin kisses his cheeks and makes the little boy giggle, his eyes disappearing into two pretty crescent moons.

 

“I am, Papa! Is the little dolphin here too?”

 

Jaemin is really proud of Siwoo's way of learning and connecting every words. He is a fast learner like his mother, and a very kind boy based on what the caretaker told him. 

 

“She is, baby. Isn’t Mare a strong girl?” Jaemin told him, smiling at the two bright eyes pointing at the big tank in the aquarium.

 

About a month ago, the aquarium he worked at had a lonely guest in the form of a dolphin. It was the first dolphin that ever been on display in South Korea and she was supposed to give birth in a few weeks after she got here. And now, the baby dolphin is finally here. The team in the facility had make sure that she would have a safe labor and equally healthy baby before she returned to the ocean.

 

Siwoo nodded excitedly. “Like my mommy!” he shouted and Jaemin can’t help but pressed their temples together from his adorableness.

 

“Like your mommy,” he whispered. “Now where is your uncle?”

 

Jaemin looked around and found Renjun with Jungsoo holding his hand, walking over to them while smiling at the fishes in the tank.

 

“Injunnie! Jungie!” Jaemin waved and shouted their names to get both Renjun and Jungsoo to turn their heads. They smiled and walked over to him. “Thank you so much for dropping Siwoo off, I couldn’t thank you enough.”

 

Renjun waved a hand in front of Jaemin while ruffling Siwoo’s head. “This little one is a great company, right, Jungsoo?” Little Jungsoo nodded his head shyly, still looking at the tank. “Jeno will be here soon, would he?”

 

Jaemin nodded, and giggled when Siwoo suddenly asked to be put down so he could see the fish closer, taking Jungsoo with him. “Yeah, he can go home early after his meeting. Are you sure you don’t want to take a bath with them? You can have Jeno scrubbing you back, he's the best at it.”

 

“Nah, Jungsoo wanted to try learning violin so I set him up with a teacher in an hour. A bath would be nice, though,” he confessed and cracked his neck as if proving his point. “I wish I could join them. Maybe I'll ask Mark-hyung if he isn’t busy on the weekend.”

 

Jaemin gave him an understanding smile. “It’s really that bad now, huh?”

 

“I just wish he could spend more time with us, you know?” Renjun shrugged, looking tired. “I never ask for something bizarre or anything, just him to be there for Jungsoo’s talent show or even picking him up from school when he got first place for a running match. But I don’t know, maybe they were all too hard for him to do than the things he did for his boss.”

 

Jaemin nodded. “I understand.”

 

“How could you understand, though?” Renjun chuckled bitterly. “You gave Jeno a call right now and he’ll come running to you in a second no matter what he does at the moment.”

 

Jaemin held Renjun’s shoulders. “Call him now, then.”

 

“What?” Renjun crooked an eyebrow, his voice was filled with worry. “I’m not going to do that, he’ll think i’m bothersome.”

 

But Jaemin didn’t want to buy any of it so he just sighed. “He’s your husband, Injun-ah. Out of all the people in the world, he’ll be the one to come running to you in a matter of seconds. Just call him. Besides, it's a Friday, I'm sure you calling him at 3 PM won't hurt."

 

Renjun laughed and when Jaemin didn’t seem to laugh with him, he grumbled. “I’m gonna call him, but only for you to eat your own words because there is no way he’ll pick us over his job.”

 

Jaemin finally let go of Renjun’s shoulder, smiling while the designer pulled his phone out of his pocket. Jaemin patiently waited for him to call Mark and at the same time watching the kids who were still excitedly pointing at different fishes.

 

Renjun bit his lips when his call was finally answered. “Hyung,” he greeted. “Nothing, i was…” Renjun took a peak at Jaemin who only gave him a small encouraging smile. “I was..can you...can you maybe come over? I, Jungsoo wanted to--yeah, i understand.” A sigh and his bitter smile was back on full display. He contemplated for a second before he spoke again. “Hyung?” Renjun gulped down his throat and Jaemin knew he was finally being honest with himself. “I need you. Really. I want you to be there for Jungsoo’s first violin lesson, it may not be much compared to your work, but I don’t want you to miss his growth, hyung. He loves you, I love you, we both love you and we want you to be here with us.”

 

Jaemin chuckled and Renjun rolled his eyes. After awhile, Renjun’s expression changed, like he was so happy and all the bitterness from before were thrown out of the window. “Really? I mean, for real? You’ll come?” His smile was bright and Jaemin remembered Huang Renjun he knew years ago when Jeno first introduced them, so full of life and adventure. "Thank you, hyung. It's okay if you can't make it...no, no you have to absolutely make it!" Suddenly, his cheeks turned red and Jaemin squinted as Renjun avoided his eyes. "I--I love you too, see you later."

 

"So…?" Jaemin sneakily asked.

 

Renjun merely nodded, looking like he was still in shock. "You didn't talk to him before this, did you?" Jaemin shook his head. "He said yes and that we gonna have a family dinner after Jungsoo's done with his lesson."

 

"Happy now?"

 

"I can't believe he picked us…"

 

Jaemin chuckled. "I'm sure you both are the most important in his life, of course he'll always choose to be with you," he said. "You just need to ask. It's okay to be selfish sometimes, Injunnie, if you miss him being around, then tell that to his face."

 

Renjun nodded, finally, a sincere smile rose in his face. "I'll make sure to give him a well deserved _present_ tonight, then."

 

When Renjun's smile spoke of a thousand words, Jaemin punched his arm playfully. "I don't need to hear that!"

 

Renjun and Jungsoo stuck around for another fifteen minutes before the two excused themselves out of Jaemin's workplace.

 

"You want to see the little dolphin, Siwoo-ya? Appa will be here in a minute and you can take a bath with him afterwards, okay?" Jaemin asked his son, picking him up as the little boy sniffled and nodded.

 

"Does it have a name already, Papa?"

 

Jaemin smiled at him, fixing the little boy's hat and his oversized jacket. "Uh huh, his name is Flipper."

 

"Flipper," Siwoo adorably giggled, he buried his face in Jaemin's shoulder and his arms circled around his neck. It looked like he was a little tired from a day at the daycare so Jaemin patted his bum. "I want to see Flipper."

 

"You can, my baby," Jaemin told him, kissing his temple. "I'm sure Flipper also wanted to see you."

 

"Really? Why is he here Papa? I thought dolphins should be in the ocean?"

 

Jaemin walked to the isolation area where visitors shouldn't visit because it was for research purposes. "They should, Siwoo-ya, they should. But Flipper and his mother are sick right now so we should help them before they go home to the ocean, okay?"

 

"What kind of sickness? Is it bad? Will they be alright?"

 

"They will, little prince. Soon, they will be home in the ocean and they'll play with other dolphins."

 

Siwoo nudged closer to Jaemin and his voice was sad all of a sudden. "Do dolphins cry if they are hurting, Papa? Do they cry like Siwoo does when Siwoo is hurting?"

 

Jaemin hugged him closer, brushing his bangs from his forehead. "They do, dolphins are like us too, Siwoo. They would cry if they are hurt, or seeing their loved ones get hurt."

 

"I don't want them to be hurt, then."

 

Jaemin chuckled at him. "Me too, little prince. But do you know who I wanted more to not hurt?"

 

Siwoo giggled. "Is it Siwoo?"

 

Jaemin's smile was warm and tender as he kissed his son's temple once again. "Yes, baby," he whispered, like some sort of a prayer. "And your Appa too, you both are the most important in Papa's life, okay darling?"

  
  


:::

  
  


“Is that all you got, monster?!” Jaemin groans when the next thing Jeno does is by punching his chest repeatedly. He laughed then, faked grunting on the bed while looking at Siwoo desperately. “Help me, little prince! The monster is going to eat me!”

 

“Be gone, monster!” Siwoo jumped to Jeno who caught him in his arms, eating his tummy while the little boy laughed hysterically.

 

“This little prince tastes so good,” Jeno growled lowly with the laughing Siwoo in his arms, Jaemin watched the two one last time before he got up, thinking that he should bring something to complete the moment. “The monster is winning today!”

 

“Nooooo,” cue to Siwoo groaning and trying to get away from Jeno’s hold.

 

When Jaemin returned with a guitar in his hand, the two were still laughing as he nudged Jeno's arm, silently whispering that it was already too late for Siwoo's bedtime.

 

"Why don't the monster sing something for us?" Jaemin suggested, letting Jeno hold the guitar while he picked Siwoo up to lay him properly on his bed. "Do you want the monster to sing you a song to sleep, Siwoo?"

 

"Appa's song, yay!"

 

Jaemin settled himself beside his son, enveloping the blanket around them and propped his head on his palm while looking at Siwoo and then to his husband, biting his lips in anticipation.

 

Jeno brushed his messy hair to the back, strumming the guitar and smiling.

 

"What song do you want, little prince? What does this nasty monster have to do for the prince and his king?" Jeno mumbled and Jaemin grinned at him, reaching for the hem of his shirt to pull him closer and kiss his forehead.

 

"Where are my kisses, Papa?" Siwoo gleefully cheered, his red cheeks puffed and a pout rose, decorating his small lips.

 

Jeno chuckled and exchanged looks with Jaemin. "You don't want my kisses?"

 

"I want a loooooot of kisses! All the kisses in the world!" Siwoo mumbled and Jeno hugged him closer to dropped a lot of it on his face and made him giggle, soon joined by Jaemin who opted for a little meaningful kiss on his forehead, completing the amount of love the two parents could give him.

 

Siwoo was telling Jaemin everything he did with his Appa earlier once they were out of the aquarium. Everything about Siwoo is just so alive that Jaemin can't help but feels happy to have him always happy like this.

 

"Do you still want your song, Siwoo?"

 

Siwoo yawned and snuggled closer to Jaemin's arms as if they were his safe space. The little boy nodded and made Jeno ruffled his head lovingly.

 

"Sing, my love," Jaemin endearingly said, patting the side of his son's body to lead him to sleep while the fingers on his other hand wrapped around his husband's before he let go of it. "I miss your voice."

 

Lately, Jeno hadn't picked his guitar that much. He got busy in the office and sometimes couldn't even come home from the business trips that seemed too many these past few months. Jaemin always made sure he took care of his health even when they were apart, that he was eating healthily and wasn't skipping any meals. When Jeno had his days off, he made sure to spent it with the both of them. Either they went on trips or staying home with each others.

 

The sound of his guitar slowly filled the air, wrapping them into an everlasting moment.

 

 

_Your little hand wrapped around my finger_

_And it's so quiet in the world tonight_

_Your little eyelids flutter 'cause you're dreaming_

_So I tucked you in and turned your nightlight on_

_To you, everything's funny_

_You got nothing to regret_

_I give all i have, honey_

_If you could stay like that_

 

Jaemin continued to smile, feeling so lucky he couldn't breathe, feeling so happy he wanted to crystalize the moment inside his mind forever if he could.

 

_Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up_

_Don't you ever grow up_

_You could still be little_

_Oh, darling don't you ever grow up_

_Don't you ever grow up_

_It could still be simple_

_I won't let nobody hurt you_

_Won't let no one break your heart_

_And even though you want to_

_Please try, and never grow up_

 

It was Jaemin who closed his eyes first before Siwoo, making Jeno stop after he saw the two were now asleep to his own voice.

 

Jeno curled a smile and carefully put his guitar down, cringing when it hit the floor but didn't produce any sound. He watched the two angels sleeping faces before him, brushing the side of their foreheads before Jaemin's hand tugged at his palm and kissing it lightly.

 

"I love you," the younger muttered, eyes still closed before his eyelids slowly fluttered lazily and kept Jeno's palm right on top of his beating heart. "I love you." He said once more, but this time he was looking at Jeno's eyes like an old flame that could never fade.

 

"I love you too," he whispered back.

 

They never said the three words on the daily. For them, actions were greater promises than saying them out loud every single time. It was usually when they kissed each other, or when the night was too wide and short but they stayed up late because one of them hadn't got home from work, when they made sure that they were safe and sound, when the world was forgotten to what was left of their laughter.

 

"Let's let Siwoo sleep," Jeno suggested. When he saw his husband there, so beautifully crafted even when he was tired after work, he wanted to scoop him off in his arms, but of course the younger wouldn't like it.

 

Jaemin nodded and let Jeno got up first, reaching a hand out to pull him up. Jaemin ended up in the older's arms, and he chuckled at their sudden close proximity.

 

"Are we going to dance?" He asked cheekily. "Is the monster going to ask a king for a dance?"

 

"Would the king be generous enough to lay a hand on this hideous monster?"

 

Jaemin chuckled, resting his face on Jeno's shoulder. "You are the most beautiful being I have ever laid an eye on, Jeno."

 

"I know," Jeno confidently said, wrapping his hands around Jaemin's waist. "And I know you are tired, so let's go to sleep? Do you want me to carry you like a princess?"

 

Jaemin wheezed at the offer. "Don't you dare."

  
  


:::

  
  


_Summer, 2024_

 

Jaemin was in the middle of picking Siwoo up from the daycare when somebody called his cellphone. It was Jeno’s co-worker telling him that his husband was admitted to the hospital for passing out in the office earlier.

 

“Papa, is Appa alright?” Siwoo  asked when Jaemin quickly put the seat belt around his chest.

 

Jaemin gave him the bestest smile he could mustered and started the car. “Baby, would you do me a favor and prayed with me? Tell God that we need Appa to be alright, okay? Will you do that for me, little prince? Hmm?”

 

Siwoo nodded and lifted his hands to pray while Jaemin ruffled his hair. He wanted to be distracted, he wanted to forget the fact that Jeno was somewhat in a place where he wasn’t there to help him, so he opted to continue talking with his son. “What do you wish for, baby?”

 

“I wish for Appa to be healthy of course,” the little boy said, looking outside the window and to the cars passing behind them. “That me and Papa would be hurt if Appa got hurt.”

 

“Good boy,” Jaemin praised, keeping his hands on the wheel and eyes stuck on the road. “Keep your thoughts with everything good, okay sweetheart? Remember that me and your Appa love you the most.”

 

Siwoo hummed happily and that was all Jaemin needed to have a little bit of faith.

 

When he got in the hospital with Siwoo who grabbed his hand with his tiny fingers, Jaemin cried upon seeing his husband on the hospital bed, an IV drop to his veins with his pale, white skin. The doctors said that he'll be okay after a few night of rest, he worked too hard and risked his health, so he needed to stay at the hospital for a while until they can make sure he got better.

 

"Appa, will you be alright?" Jaemin watched Siwoo little fingers wrapped around Jeno's hand while his husband smiled weakly at the healing touch.

 

"I will, little prince. A monster can be sick too sometimes, you know."

 

At his weird humor, Jaemin bit his lips to let a weak punch dropped on his husband's chest, and then regretting it a few second later when Jeno started to cough and Siwoo began to laugh.

 

Jaemin really, really wished it could be their last time to visit the hospital in a long time.

  
  


:::

  
  


_Fall, 2024_

 

There was anger bubbling inside his chest that Jaemin wasn't sure he wanted to dealt with in the moment. So he just bolted out of the room with newfound hatred.

 

He wanted to scream.

 

You see, the world seemed to know which right strings to pull, but this time, it was cruel. So cruel that Jaemin wanted nothing to do with it. For once, he wanted that string of fate to disappeared like everything else in his life.

 

All of this must somewhat be a joke.

 

"Where are you going?"

 

Without turning his head, Jaemin walked away while stomping his feet, he wished to be deaf but of course Jeno's voice would be the only one in the world he can always turn to. "Out," he murmured. "I'm taking Siwoo out of this hell hole."

 

Jaemin desperately searched for the room where he last saw his son, his one light out of everything he has with Jeno, his everything.

 

"Nana, stop," Jeno pleaded, and only by his voice did Jaemin finally turned his back around, looking at his husband's desperate expression while he tried to condemn himself to not break. "Please talk to me, baby."

 

Jaemin looked down on his own shoes, he knew he was being unfair to Jeno, but he really didn't know what to do to kill this fire inside of him that slowly setting him ablaze.

 

"I refuse," Jaemin said, shaking his head. And it was Jeno who walked closer to him first with tears in his eyes. "I refuse to let that asshole tell me, to tell us, that _our_ son only has six months to live. No. Jeno, no. I won't believe it. I won't believe it."

 

Jeno was soon enveloping him in an embrace before Jaemin, too, broke down in his arms, holding his husband's body like they could heal each other from whatever evil curse tried to break them apart, and just _sobbed_. He just sobbed like everything else didn't matter anymore. Like all of the pain in the world was in his heart and he gladfully welcomed them.

 

"I'm sorry," Jeno's voice wasn't even there to completely assured Jaemin that everything would be alright. For the first time, the younger can see the Lee Jeno who always calmly seeks his way out of any problem to not have any of the solutions, until the only thing he can say was a series of apologies.

 

Jaemin couldn't say anything other than letting his own tears streamed down his cheeks, numbing him into something so foreign and scary.

 

It was as if the universe had granted their little prince an immortality and to never grow up forever.

  
  


:::

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it'll be awhile for the last chapter, until then~ thank u for reading! I'm (@xiynana_) on twitter ♡ /bows/

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's boring and very far from perfect, but please leave comments and kudos? I'll really appreciate it >,<
> 
> Please, please, please forgive me for the inevitable grammar errors, and my limited vocabularies :< If you can be a beta, please contact me on twitter @xiynana_ so the next chapter at least won't be as bad ^^ thank you /bows/
> 
> Happy birthday to precious Jeno °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖° ...and me lol


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